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Alexandra's Quit Story   Quit Stories and Journals

Started 9/23/15 by alEXsmoker (afrancis333); 43092 views.
alexisfree

From: alexisfree

10/17/19

Brenda (1sept19) said:

Sometimes I have to just tell myself to BREATHE AND SLOW DOWN.

Great advice!  I've been thinking, "Slow down, Alex".  But I haven't told myself yet.  So, now I am.  "Alex, you need to slow down.  Your smobriety depends on it.  People are watching you.  Put your oxygen mask on and breeeaathhhheee..."  Ahhhhh....so nice :)

In reply toRe: msg 294
alexisfree

From: alexisfree

11/4/19

I completely forgot about "slow down"!  Wow.  I need to be closer to the forum.  I had a huge urge to smoke yesterday.  Then the depressive thoughts came back.  Is this all a precursor to the icky 3rd month?  Because I don't like it.  Anyways...I thought I better come on here and type something in my journal because, yeah, I need to take care of my quit.  It is so important to me and I don't want to lose it.  With work and home life being so busy, I feel like I haven't had even one minute to breathe.  I used to do this thing where I would meditate in the morning and pray - not doing that anymore.  The girls get me up at 5:30am - how am I supposed to get up before that?!  I'd never sleep.  Maybe I can move my meditation to the middle of the day.  Or something else?  I don't know.  My leg also still hurts so I haven't been able to do my walking which I love.  And I haven't weighed in, in two weeks because I hate myself and have been eating everything under the sun.  Whoa!  I need to get back to the solution, quick!  Like the song says, "Order, disorder, reorder, over and over."  Ugh!!!

MichaelaOana

From: MichaelaOana

11/4/19

Hi, Alex. I miss you in our september group.

I am almost 2 months smoke free but the craves are very strong plus dreams that I smoke, night by night. It is been a torture. I understand that at the end of every months something is happening in our brain. Some receptors are shuting down. This must be a reason why we feel what we feel. Indeed we must stay close to the forum.

By the way. I start writting a lot in my journal I keep in my computer. I writte even one hour if it is needed until the crave is gone.

And the most important I must reward my self for beeing smoke free. I admit I forgot to do that for a while and I was depresed.

Hugs.

alexisfree

From: alexisfree

11/8/19

Michaela!  Yay!  Yes, we must reward ourselves.  Life is not a vail of tears.  It is only miserable if I make it so.  And I was literally CHOOSING SELF PITY.  Until it hurt enough and then I decided to change my behavior.  :D  

I went shopping with my husband yesterday - he's going to take me to a ball!  I get to wear a ball gown AND sneakers!  He and his friends are sneaker heads so they have a sneaker "prom" if you will.  I imagine it will be so fun.  At least to get out of the house and away from the kids for a little bit. 

I've noticed that I really like walking in the sun and listening to music - it is so meditative and healing for me.  I'm going to do more of it.  <3 

I really think there are things happening to my brain because I was in such a bad spot and then I'm not.  Maybe some of the receptors shut down?!  Yippee!!

Brenda (1sept19)

From: Brenda (1sept19)

11/9/19

alexisfree said:

I get to wear a ball gown AND sneakers!  He and his friends are sneaker heads so they have a sneaker "prom"

Oh how fun !!!  We will need pictures too .  Should be a kick in the old Patooty !! heart_eyes

alexisfree

From: alexisfree

11/11/19

LOL!  I love you Brenda.  Will post pics!   

In reply toRe: msg 297
alexisfree

From: alexisfree

11/11/19

Feeling so gross right now.  Sore throat and coughing.  Its the pits.  I know smoking would just make it worse.  Just want to sleep.  Maybe the icky third month is upon me?  I have two months and two weeks - so it seems probable.  No real cravings to smoke, but just more self pity and anxiety and depression.  I drank a lot of tea today and I think its helping.  I also ordered some more of my fave tea online.  So that's good.  I may make some honey lemon tea tonight - that should help.  I really need to get some work done, but feeling unmotivated.  What's really bumming me out is the fact that I got a bad report from the doc on my cholesterol.  Its high.  And I don't want to take medication for it.  But at this point, I don't see an alternative.  I've tried for years to get it down with diet and even at my lowest weight it was still high.  So, do I just take the medication?  He's giving me three more months.  I kind of just want to cancel my appointment for follow up and not go back to him ever again - cause that's helpful right?  Ugh...

Haajas75

From: Haajas75

11/11/19

I say go take walk in sun....relax...enjoy.....repeat

Brenda (1sept19)

From: Brenda (1sept19)

11/12/19

alexisfree said:

I kind of just want to cancel my appointment for follow up and not go back to him ever again - cause that's helpful right?  Ugh...

Aww, you make me laugh !   I think take the meds...Some of us seem to be predisposed to get these gifts from our parents or just for the heck of it.  My Doc put me on a low dose and it has taken care of the problem and have had no side effects. Hopefully that would be the case for you.  Hope the icky sickness is getting better and life is improving.  A walk in the sunshine sounds good and the sneaker prom.....,got to get better for that.  Sending big hugs your way.  We are both still kickin' ciggy butt, so we are stronger than we think.blush 

alexisfree

From: alexisfree

11/12/19

Brenda (1sept19) said:

My Doc put me on a low dose and it has taken care of the problem and have had no side effects.

Awesome!  I will try it on the next appointment if it hasn't improved enough.  He said to let the baby get a few more months of breast milk and then we'll decide in February.  I'll probably just get on the medication - I don't know why I'm so anti medication.  If it can help me?  Shoot!  Thank you so much for sharing your story - this makes me feel more comfortable taking it.  I just love you to pieces Brenda.  You're always so helpful. I'm glad you're my quit smoking friend/sister.  xoxo

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