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First 10 days review   General Chit-Chat

Started 5/6/20 by Musivore; 104654 views.
Loreficent

From: Loreficent

Apr-19

Hi Oxana,

Good to see you here. Thank you, no, not a writer in any official way. I’ve called my ramblings here the “nattering of an addict” many times. Still true. I do think there are seasonal adjustments with this recovery. My favorite time of year is upon us and I’m into this quit almost 14 months. Still, I have these moments crop up where I think I’d really enjoy a smoke. I know on a very conscious level I do not want to be a smoker though, so, I don’t. The thoughts pass at times very quickly and before I know it I am realizing the thought was several hours ago. Other times, they pass more the like the coming of evening, where the bright and sun filled day slowly fades and gives way to a darkened sky. This time of year it gets dark quite slowly here! joy No matter. There is always that first star to be found and I always feel better. I’m hunkered down into this quit now and the thoughts don’t threaten me anymore. I do at times find them annoying...similar to, say, a mosquito? You know where there is that incessant dim buzzing and you can’t seem to find it so you can smack it out of existence in this World and send its little bit of energy elsewhere in the Universe. If it gets like that, the smoking thoughts, I generally realize I am actually restless overall and there are often other reasons for that restlessness accompanying or underlying the smoking thought. That’s when a walk or some sort of physical movement is what it takes to shift my mind back to equilibrium in my recovery. Again, I’m at peace with that too. Sometimes you just have to wear out time. 
 

You are doing very well! I’m very happy for you! You must be noticing some positive things with it, right? You exercise too, right? It makes a world of difference for sure. 
Oh, and thank you for saying that very nice thing that you find my thoughts inspiring. You are quite the uplifting person yourself!blush

blackbird912

From: blackbird912

Apr-26

This is just so cool that you got to witness these tiny miracles up close!!!   Truly a good sign.

Chris

Loreficent

From: Loreficent

Apr-29

There is something in every single day that is worthy of notice, if only we don’t allow ourselves to get so stuck in our heads with our needs and desires that we don’t notice them. I was completely enthralled with those babies. Now my mind wanders with them on their flights and journeys beyond their little nest as they have moved on. Life is too worth living to be stuck in just my little mind! Eff those chains of addiction Chris. There is a lot more to notice when the veil is lifted. There really truly is. 
Had to come back and add after a lovely walk, I was thinking while walking that most of the things we think we need are fabricated and not true needs. Superficial desires. Knee jerk wants. Like craves, they pass. We get to choose what has meaning and what defines health for us. Staying smoke free may not be the knee jerk desire in some given moments for me still, but it has become the underlying current of desire and I know I have to ride those crave moments out. We all have that power, it isn’t magic. Don’t get caught in your head, step out and watch the thoughts roll by. I have another article somewhere on time distortion for you I will find later tonight after work. Silly me picked up an evening shift and I so don’t want to go in now! 

Eve1973

From: Eve1973

Apr-30

Superficial desires.......Absolutely CORRECT!

So my one friend had a shopping/spending addiction. She would always say to me, how do you do it, I said to her sure the “impulse “ buy is strong......but I say do I really need it? Then I say, well if I REALLY want it, I will finish what I am shopping for, and come back for it. 99% of the time, I forget and leave the store!

So distraction is key! So I remember my craves, I would say, I will wash these dishes.....if I still have the desire to smoke then I will. I didn’t though. Because I knew I would never get to where I am again.....plus I had the support of this forum and DID NOT want to let my new friends down. But normally I would just forget about the crave.

Addiction is Not Picky, you can be wealthy, middle class or poor......doesn’t discriminate! Therefore recognize “your triggers,” avoid them for the time being till you have more time under your belt.

Chris, yes this is tough......Lore and I have been around for awhile now. We don’t have our “peace” yet, at least I don’t, but it is getting better and OMG I am ecstatic that I am QUIT !

So today I rambled......enjoy the weekend!

Loreficent

From: Loreficent

Apr-30

Nope...in the NOPE sense and nope to peace. You know what they say Eve...”no rest for the wicked “ joyjoysweat_smile

But wait you are St. Eve. You should have peace!innocent

Eve1973

From: Eve1973

Apr-30

Lore, but I go by EVIL-Lynn! ??????
euknight

From: euknight

May-3

Thank you my precious Eve.  Really lagging behind here but was so happy to see the congrats and all the little cheerful emojis.  You are so talented.

Ex BF helped flip the deck boards for me and I will try my hand on the stain Wed.  I think.  Good to hear you are feeling better!!

Do you feel like the smoking has damaged your breathing?  Lore, how bout you?  I know I have gained weight but not like a ton...cannot seem to get my breath sometimes esp in a mask.  Like at work last week.  I had to stand to talk or lift mask away from face to talk.  Hmmmmmmm

Love yall

Peggy

5-8-20

euknight

From: euknight

May-3

Yep, my sista, life is fragile and FAST.  Your hummingbird pics...babies all lined up on the wire.....a picture of HOPE.

This year more than ever before I have felt the essential place of HOPE.  My dear quitting friends....such HOPE you have given me....Wise words about developing to a partial acceptance of death and humor being the emotional life line or death escape at times.  The escape capacity of nicotine....just to park beneath the veil for awhile.  It is a most powerful drug.  I would rather rip thru the emotions of loss I think instead of smoking now.  I still think about it...not a lot, but the pull is Definately still there luring so many to their deaths.  I feel in some ways that surreal shock that when someone has died you loved is like that veil without nicotine. A built in protective mechanism that surrounds you in a fog.

Sad news about the dancing.  I injured my foot and never went.  That person is gone now.  I was intrigued about your mask however?.?  Now that sounds super cool.  Incognito, one of my favorite “looks”.  Lol

The world did appear to be powering up again for a while there.  Now seems commonplace.  All the things that should not be focused on that bring division, are in the forefront.   Our backwards world.  I prefer the invisible forces of good that are everywhere right now Parallel to the seen world.  Only way I can sleep.

How is John?  Any trips to Hawaii planned??  You go girl!!  Hugs to you.

Peggy

5-8-20sunflower

Eve1973

From: Eve1973

May-5

Hey Peggy, 

I am not sure about you, but I smoked for over 30 years, so my breathing in the masks depends on mask (thickness) , weather (hot), and how much i walked that day at work. So yes at times my breathing is labored. But I also have been back to work longer. Today I was fixing a closet and asked the guy in the apartment to go to another room because I was sweating and the mask made it so much harder to work. I removed mask. 
 

I lost the 10 pounds I gained, but the I got the VID, and all came back. So working on it again......lol. 
 

3 MORE DAYS........YAY YAY

Loreficent

From: Loreficent

May-7

Ahhh...Peggy love.

You injured your back paw? How is it now? And missed the dance and now the Prince has departed....Well, the Sea is full of Princes my Peggy dear. And Sharks as well, joy. I do have faith in your discerning soul and trust Tab’s discerning Spirit too. So swim on Love...the sails of memory rip open in silence indeed. There will be others passing by. 
The mask is absolutely a good one, just waiting for a special outing. Black, of course, with a mesh like material, similar to a veil, that comes off the top edge and hangs down the front in a triangular pattern, down to the notch of my neck and the mesh is fine and flows and filled with....Sparkle! Yes!! It has an exotic look about it and makes my mind wander. Of course that doesn’t take much most of the time, grin

Backwards World indeed. John is still towering, unbelievable but true. I was awakened by a call from his “mom” this morning who had a man come to her door. Now you’ve seen pictures and where John is, that is the front of her house. There is a gate at the bottom and many steps up. She had a man come to her door this AM, a bit disheveled and with mismatched shoes, asking for a smoke. She told him she did not have one but said let me get you something to eat and asked him to sit on the porch and wait. She went out with the soup and he was gone so she sat and ate the soup. When she went in, and went to the garage, he was sitting in her garage asleep. So, she made more soup and toast and called me. (!)  I went down and we hung out for a while and I learned a bit of his history. He was a very kind and gentle man really, down on his luck for sure. I asked if he was using and he said not for 2 days. So, I was trying to think how to help and what to do. He was a man of color, and I’m sorry to say, but for this reason I preferred to leave the Police Dept. out of this encounter as he needed direction and help and I knew they would only shoo him on with no resources. So, she and I loaded him in the car and took him to the ER where I work. He had no ID. We got him checked in where they will at least get a Social Worker involved. He was originally from Memphis. Said he made his way from downtown PDX to this neighborhood because he didn’t feel safe downtown and had his wallet stolen. The whole thing was rather sad. I do hope he does ok. Obviously there is a lot going on there and in the back story. But...her big dog was fine with him too and he was more sleepy and hungry than anything. So...add this to the list of things that John has witnessed. Mmmm. 

I picked up my painting of my Boyz, the one with their ashes. It is absolutely beautiful and I cried when I saw it. Now hung properly above my bed, my Boyz are together again. It was absolutely the most fascinating thing when I brought it home and I wish you could see pictures of Maisy sniffing it and she actually licked the kitty that is Calvin. She sat in front of it for about 10 minutes. Makes me wonder, perhaps realize, these realms the creatures  move within that we are not attuned too...what energy do they feel there...? Fascinating. 

Im trying to figure out the Hawaii question? Am I going there? I wouldn’t turn a trip down, but it would not be my first choice. Did I mention going? Were we there in a previous encounter??joy I am going to go at some point with John’s “mom” as they bought a place on Maui. Her husband is there now for a few months. Not sure when there will be a girls trip, but it is on the agenda. 

Just woke from my nap and have been on here a bit, so have to go now and get some things in order. Am thinking about you and will speak to the not breathing well in the mask next time on! 


Big hugs to you my Love...kissing_heart

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