Formerly known as the About.com Smoking Cessation support forum, this community is open to all who are recovering from nicotine addiction.
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Oh, it was so beautiful.
Home now. Am gonna be sore! I welcome that as it lets me know I did something to stretch my body some. I definitely noticed better breathing and more stamina on this hike I did. Also...I know you don’t like sand, but let me tell you...there is nothing like walking in sand for a couple of hours to soften the feet!
So...yeah. I’m glad that cream story made you laugh. I think people underestimate sometimes the “baby” of the family and what they take in and learn. I definitely ended up the more adventurous one of the bunch. I often wonder if that is because by the time I became more of age my folks were worn out from riding herd on all of my older sibs! All I can say is one would have to be absolutely nuts to have 8 kids nowadays. This one you can maybe relate to...can’t tell you how many times in my life I’ve been asked if my family is Catholic. That’s when I tell people how my Mom used to tell me “If they’d of had the pill in my day you all wouldn’t be here!”. She didn’t start saying that till I was like 20, and it just cracked me up!
I do wish she and my Dad would have been upset when I started smoking. They didn’t say much really. Maybe cause my dad smoked? My other 2 sibs who smoked started when they were like 18 and both gave it up in their 30’s. I think there is definitely something to starting as a teen that forms some connections in our brains that makes it hard to undo. But, I don’t know many people that started in their 20’s or 30’s so I guess big tobacco is on to something to target youth. Young prey, easy targets....
Anyway...You’re funny...another chapter in my book. I don’t see me writing one really. When you mentioned coffee and cream, it prompted that memory. Have tons of associations and memories, as we all do, but I can’t sit down and bring them into a coherent storyline. They just pop up here and there. Kind of like the nauseating craves you mentioned! I wouldn’t be too worried Peggy about a few pounds when you quit. I think that is much better than to continue smoking and in the long run way less detrimental to your health. It will come back off. Cut carbs like starch stuff. My weight stayed stable the first month and I found I was actually eating less not smoking. Then I started walking and very quickly was up to 2 hours a day, now 3-4 most days and I’ve dropped 10 pounds. Maybe swim twice a day instead of add your laps all at once? Or walk in the morning and swim at night? Or just don’t worry about it right now and be mindful of sweets and carbs and know it will come back off!
Yeah...that song is pretty powerful and yes...singer is quite enticing. He trained as a Cantor when younger. I’ve listened to some interviews with him and he is quite a guy. Do you mean Metal used to be your preferred beat?? I wouldn’t have guessed that. I love a lot of older Metal bands like Metallica and Iron Maiden and others. It’s funny how people assume things about bands based on the art to album covers, etc. Once you listen to the lyrics of most of it you realize it is loaded with passion about stuff usually pertaining to the state of the world and the dark side of human nature really. Most of it is way deeper than what one would think on the surface. I’m with you too...glad I got to see a lot of shows when younger. Probably a thing of the past, for a while anyway. Right now I am sorely missing some local music fests that would be happening. They are the only crowd thing I did.
So your friend that got potentially exposed to COVID19. Bummer. Something has to give with this. Read about a young man in Texas that was 30 that died. Supposedly he went to an “exposure party” where most of them were thinking it is a hoax. Story in the paper said the last thing he said to his Nurse was “I think I made a mistake”. Well...I don’t want to start a big thing here, but, yes...our country is making big mistakes. Bottom line is this...from day one this should have been left to the Epidemiologists and Virologists and people that actually know something about science and disease, like maybe health care officials to run the show. Instead...with politicians running it, we have what we have. Won’t say more but will add if this offends anyone just PM me and I’ll happily remove that part here. And I’m sending a little prayer out there that all of us here will be here at the end of the day to see how this finally plays out and can discuss and dissect it in hindsight. It is definitely a very very unpredictable bug with not enough known yet to mess around with. I do not want it. Hope your friend and her colleague are ok! Oh, and we don’t have Hobby Lobby here but I’ve heard about it. Glad we don’t really as my yarn stash is already out of control! That’s a Winter thing for me and I crochet lots of stuff while watching Netflix. We’ll see though what happens with that as now there is not much chance of me giving up a couple hours walking at night....may be sending you some more yarn! Lol!
Hugs to you my friend. I’m in dire need of a bath and a nap! Will say that falling asleep to the sound of the Mighty Pacific was absolute H.E.A.V.E.N. Worth every grain of sand on me, and mud on legs, and every sore part of my body. Definitely feel a bit renewed....
So...did you ever give up doing something and then look back in a day or two and have it just burning inside? Well...that is where I’m at. Hard to explain, and there is a guy on here who may know exactly the place I’m talking about as he lives in PDX, but I gotta go back to the coast, either later today or tomorrow. It was a rock face at the end of a beach called Short Sands. I was on the trail above and didn’t want to take the muddy trail all the way back. There is a cut down to the beach that you had to do a fair amount of it on your butt through some trees and it was steep but had roots to grab onto. It led to a spot that was maybe about 30-40 feet down a rock slope...kind of steep, but not smooth so lots of hand holds. That was the last stretch and I was almost there. I chickened out as I watched the tide coming in. It’s a heck of a spot to sit and watch the surfers...anyway...something inside me said not to and so I ended up going back up which was probably a lot harder and is the reason my shoulders are now quite sore. So...this is nagging at me so bad! All I keep thinking is how hard it is to quit smoking and I shied away from that slope...? Now I know how doable it is and I have to do it.
The thought of it and the regret of it had me awake a fair amount of the night. Seems I just can’t let the regret of not trying harder go.
So...I think quitting smoking does give a sense of courage and determination. In hindsight anyway.
Plus it is a good reason to go back and since I’m blessed with it being only a bit over an hour away...and still have 2 days off after today... why not?
I think quitting smoking has turned me a bit more OCD.... yay. Either that or boredom strikes. Or need for another escape...
Hey Lor, I think you are currently looking for an escape. Escape from the thoughts of smoking, the news/world. I know I’m currently looking for that too, just in a different way. This is definitely a hard addiction to break! But WOW we have come so far! We just need to fill our minds, bodies, thoughts with a perfect distraction to keep us on track!
Yours is your adventurous nature. Just think of yourself climbing back up there and being so out of breath, but still trying to light up that cig! We are crazy! I climbed Pikes Peak in Colorado, and took smoke breaks on the side. It was crazy! I was crazy! But I found this forum and You to keep me on track! The world may be disheartening right now, but we will be get through eventually to the other side as non smokers!
Yesss! I did it! More later...gotta get to my sleep spot as getting dark. But yes! Eve...can’t type on phone good and don’t like being on it here but big big hugs to you Saint Eve!
Ok, Saint Eve...
So, yeah. I ended up coming back late last night... as I was laying there looking up at Orion’s Belt it kind of hit me that if I didn’t come back then, I might not at all (not in a bad way!) so I figured I better get on the road and get back home. Man...what an amazing drive it was too. It’s been warm at night here finally and having the windows down, driving back over the Coast Range, nothing but my headlights on and the wind in the car and my music blaring...ahhh. Was almost as good as going down that darn slope I tell you! Gotta be mindful of the occasional deer that is out but it was late enough that all the smart ones were already bed down for the night. I LOVE night drives. They have the same resonance as night swimming, lol! Go figure...
So...yeah..escape. You know...as I look at the world around us, yes. Of course. There is all that wreckage and crumble and despair and struggle. Could add in much more, but do I need to? I mean, we all feel it, yes? But we all have choices, like you said, on how to handle all of that. I’m not one to stay down for long, and I thank the spirit world whatever that is, and my Mom for that. I’m gonna pay the price too as my daughter is becoming more like this every single day. Such a strong and fierce little soul she is. Mmmm. But I also know the price she will pay for being this way, as I pay it daily. But...would I trade being in this world and walking through it numbly in order to protect myself from it for carrying the weight of it? No. Because carrying the weight of it is fulfilling and joyful and giving and passionate and kind and, well...just plain LIVING in my opinion. Because even pain let’s us know we are alive, right? So, thank goodness we all get to choose what makes us or breaks us to a good extent as far as all that. Yes, it is a sense of adventure for sure. And longing and seeking... I’ve pretty much let go of the role smoking has played in it for me as far as escape and void and all that. I guess I’m still looking for a way to fill that space at times? That’s ok too.
So..remember when I had that slip in early March? Man. That messed with my head! And I could not get around the connection of that feeling with what I felt on Monday when I chickened out on going down the slope! It was this thing that I knew in the moment I would be ok if I just did it, but there was this little voice saying “no”. Same thing back then...little voice saying just keep going and ride the wave, then some other little voice saying “no, just smoke”. Well, it wasn’t the addict voice that kept me from going down the slope, but it came from a similar space in my head. A space that I identify with fear, or reluctance, or a crutch, or a fake semblance of safety and comfort. I’m trying to have this make sense, so bear with me... Anyway, something in me held me back and I regretted it, just like something in me made me smoke that time and I regretted it. So that parallel had me drive back out and conquer it this time. And now...I got one more thing inside of me that has built something positive and stronger and gives me energy to keep carrying the weight. Just had to do it. And I did! After I felt really silly not just having done it on Monday, but, I wouldn’t have learned as much from it if I had then, and I wouldn’t carry as much meaning with me now as I have. And...getting to go to the ocean twice in a few days?? Heck yes! What would I have been doing otherwise? Sitting around reading or puttering, or cleaning, or doing laundry, or pulling weeds, or...thinking about smoking? Well, all that didn’t go anywhere and it is still waiting right here for me. And today I’ll put it all off a bit more as I am bottling my Kombucha today! Yes! It is ready for a secondary ferment...just like me. Except I am on about my millionth of a ferment and keep hoping for that day I turn out into a nice fine wine that is ready to drink! Lol! There is gonna be a big problem one day though if there is someone or something that ever tries to bottle me...whoa, and woe be to that! Too busy living and loving and crying and giving and taking and making for all of that!
So...go find your hill or slope or run or swim or walk or sleep or dreams or whatever fills your soul. Cause if your waiting around for the world to bring it to you, or hiding from what the world will give you if you step out a bit...you’re gonna miss a lot. I’m gonna be selfish and take all of this life I can get before that old man time wears my butt out as I am insatiable with and for life. That...is mainly why I went back. Worth every little bruise and scrape and soreness. Just like all other things that have brought me joy....
I am rereading and catching up on your writings. Two days off the forum and so much happens!!! So yes, most of me is back, lol, thanks to You all.
I was looking at your piano lesson experience. Very cool you are doing that, btw. My poor mama threw up her hands about that for me when I was young as I skipped out on most my lessons. I hear ya about those old get togethers gone which kind of knocks one off kilter a tad. But so interesting this was your first not smoking experience with a close smoker friend. I am so glad you talked about this because I am doing that tonight.
This friend and her daughter are coming over for dinner and a swim about 6. We have been through a lot together; originally met in AA. She doesn’t know I quit yet. I will be thinking gross cigarette thoughts. They won’t be here long cos her husband just had hip replacement surgery. I have her daughter to focus on whom I adore and have not seen in a long time. If she smokes in the pool, I will just do my laps and enjoy being able to breathe.
Love your words about songs that trigger so many memories. Aren’t you glad we got to embrace the rock of the 70’s-80 ‘s???. Good stuff. My music interests are all over the map....kind of like my brain....very diverse. I mostly listen to Christian music nowadays . (There is actually some pretty good Christian metal as well which I listen to at the gym). The lyrics take me to high places of love and comfort. I am elevated through praise in a way not unlike that picture you posted of sunset on the ocean. It is transforming for sure. I prefer quiet over music usually though at home. To me that is like music. Silence is a song for sure.
Hugs to you
Hey there lovely and wise and grounded Peggy!!
Oh yes...silence is a song for sure. I play that song often too. Love it when out in the woods or at the beach, none of which are silent, but I don’t have AirPods in then. Too much natural music. Nothing or nobody could write a song to match the sound of the waves and the feeling I get there consumed and holding myself back from just diving in and spending the rest of my days in that other world. It’s not time for that yet, but...someday.
So...maybe text your friend before she comes and say “oh, by the way, I’m sure you will be happy to see I’m a non smoker!” Then let her struggle with how she will handle it. I would set boundaries with your pool. That is your sacred space. Just tell her where the smoking area is now and let it go. Seriously. Keep your sacred space so you don’t have to think about it next time you swim alone.
Truth is...it will probably take me about 3 months to get that song down and to speed! Did you listen to it? So sweet and special... the piano part is very circular and not that hard. Just takes some work to get the hands doing it together, which for me, mostly involves letting go thinking about it and just feeling it. I’ve been taking lessons for a few years but don’t practice like I should all the time as I get distracted too and onto other things.
That sunset...that place...ahhh. I do know how very very lucky and blessed I am those things are so close for me and I treasure and honor them greatly for sure. Glad you found some solace there. Come on out and we will go there.
Have a good strong day my dear friend. Just embrace it and know it is ok to set boundaries for yourself.
You got that right about nuts to have 8 kids nowadays. Funny what your mom said about the pill!!! I remember my mom was all guilty about taking the pill when it came out....was probably a Catholic thing in those days but she hid it like it was a sin.
ok..maybe I need to walk some beaches as my heels are leather and I am not doing a pedicure. I did not know that!!! I love that feeling after a hike and your body tells you about the stretching that felt new!! I love the description of clawing up that hill....eeeeek...that sounds challenging but I would do it too. It is the descending a long steep incline I cannot seem to do anymore. I found out the hard way when I toured a cave. Ouch!! I don’t know what happened to me. I hiked down the Matterhorn!!!! None of the hills around here pose that problem. I do not hike the 2400 acres around me anymore because of the wild hog problem from the last 3 years. In the Fall my 2nd husband will b over to do some target practice and he will prob. give me a holstered gun. Not sure I want to carry it yet over to that acreage and get my dogs use to going over there. I do miss all the spots I found over there.
Yeah, can you believe the Covid19 party dude here in TX? Really sad. I do agree that the medical professionals should have been the ones to direct decisions. Sigh.
That is really great you are walking that much! Wow! Proud of you!!!I will mix it up more if I get out of sleep zone and when temps drop. With heat index we are at 106 degrees. The girls may have to get out red neck ice cubes tonight. My brother comes next weekend. He is the best. Helps me with so much stuff. We had the best talk today. I cannot believe his daughter and wife are going to six flags today in this heat!!!
So you are a knitter!! Crochet? I don’t know the difference but hmmmmmm, maybe I would like it. You can watch Outlanders when you crochet!!!
Hugs to you, friend. Enjoy a smoke free evening!!!
So how did the pool party go? Hope it was fun and came off without a hitch. Was your friend happy for you to be a non smoker?
So how far is it for you to get to the beach? Would Gulf side be closer? Yes...the beach does a good job of exfoliating the feet. Love it. Oh...and the tiny Sand Dollars. Will have to get a pic sent to you of them. Really have never seen any so tiny. Precious. Except all I could think was how they died so young, poor little things. Well, they now have their forever home with me as I couldn’t leave them behind.
So you have 2400 Acres??? Holy Toledo! Man. That is a lot of space. No wonder you love it so...and have a Mule! Mercy. It must take forever to walk that! Mmmm. With trees and hills too? So...PM me that address of yours...I’m packing my bags! Lol! So nice Peggy. I’m happy for you as I know how you love the land and creatures. So is he bringing you a gun for the Boars if needed? We had those out on Ft Benning when I was there. And we had live rounds for the Platoon too. They can be really dangerous. I’d hate to have to kill anything...But...with those, it can come down to you or them. Be careful please. I would not take the dogs to back 40 with Boars around. Is the Ex a Hunter? I will confess...I grew up around Hunters and guns, and was in the Military and all that, but, I never felt a need to have one.
And you hiked the Matterhorn??? Girl. You got some sense of adventure too, yes? Nice. Would love to see it someday for sure. So...yeah. Just nice. Again I find myself happy for you and a tad envious too. I LOVE hiking. Just love the feeling of trail and sounds and the fleeting sight of creatures..stars at night. Quiet. Campfires. All the smells.... Better stop now or I’ll be headed back out to the coast now. Missing it actually and feeling like I should have just stayed. Did get the Kombucha bottled though! It’s pretty actually. I used Mango and some with Cayenne and Mango. Not much, just a smidge to give it a little heat. Sounded good in the moment, so we’ll see how it turns out in a few days!
Yeah...my Mom was a character for sure. So...feisty and energetic and wise. I miss her. She was definitely an inspiration...to quite a few actually. She would have students come back years later and thank her and tell her how she had made such a difference in their lives. She left me with sound advice on life and love for sure. All I gotta do is remember it... I’d have to look and see what year the pill became available. She didn’t have me until she was 43 though.
Wait...Six Flags is Open?? Mmmm. Well...life goes on. But yes, so sad about that 30 year old and the exposure party. Was it in the news a lot there? I only get The NY Times so it is hard to tell what is where. I don’t watch any TV news. At all. I think about this and I’ve heard folks say how stupid it was for that guy to do that. But...he is gone and I think when folks say things like that it does show they are frustrated with a situation or hearing something like that, but, they forget this young man left behind a family, and friends, and...wow. Really sad and mean things just don’t need to be said really. Hard to say where it is all going. I do think it has had an impact on my emotions for sure. Had a friend over this afternoon that is a Nurse at the Jail here in PDX. So, she works at the Justice Center downtown that is still pretty active with Protests nightly. It was interesting hearing her take on things and what it is like having to go in/out for work. So far though no COVID19 in the jail so she is glad about that.
Mmmm. My walks are my sanity now. It is different with my daughter doing her own thing and becoming so self reliant, etc. I’ve always been physically very active, and can’t imagine not being so. So...am grateful I get to be for sure. I live in a place that is overall pretty darn safe for a US city really, as long as one knows where not go when, etc, and I do know. Mostly...They just keep me busy and moving. My work schedule is so abnormal compared to most as essentially I have every other week off. So that leaves a fair amount of time to fill. I have some Volunteer stuff that has been on hold with Covid. Have been gearing up with Get Out The Vote too, so I stay busy enough...Still.... just gotta move a lot.
Man...another too long note. And 10:30, so...gotta go make my rounds. Beautiful night again. One more day off tomorrow. Which of course just brought another song to mind...so time to go get some energy out and if the Fates are kind some fulfillment in. Big hug coming your way on the wind tonight Friend. Always love these gentle Summer breezes with their bit of warmth. Makes me feel the energy sent out gets to where it is intended.