Formerly known as the About.com Smoking Cessation support forum, this community is open to all who are recovering from nicotine addiction.
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Yeah, I used to ask my shrink about there being a “switch” in my brain somewhere that I could just flip to off and then be a non smoker. I think I wasted a lot of time smoking looking for this one time flip or flick of a switch and when I couldn’t find it, I just kept smoking. It took a lot of acceptance really, of being an addict to face what I see and know now of the fear of quitting. Totally irrational of course as there is way more to be afraid when one continues to smoke, yes? But that fear of stopping is very real and inhibitive as many irrational things in our lives are. Rationality of something has nothing to do with whether it exists or not. Look around at our world, right? Debilitating really, the fear, when it keeps you from where you can see in your minds eye the place you really want to be, which is basically just free of smoking. But the fear of all these things like missing it and how do I do this or that without smoking before or after, or how do I deal with this emotion without a smoke, etc. And just the fear of missing the “company” of it. It is very complex all this cross wiring in our brains! And we have over many years and smokes reinforced it to such a deep degree. Willpower is great...but it is very short lived and requires astute and constant, intense focus and...bam! Along comes Emotion and Willpower runs out the door with it’s tail between it’s legs and leaves us there to stand and deal with our shame of not living up to the premeditated expectation that we placed on ourself and trusted ourself with when really it takes very little Willpower at all. Emotion will always win out over Willpower as our emotions are endless and unstoppable. It takes a ton of changing and creating new emotion around smoking for the addict to simmer down. The beauty of this is, that we are all capable creatures. We would not settle for someone telling us that we cannot learn something new in any other area of our lives, would we? I certainly will never! I love learning new things and trying new things and growing new things in my mind and heart and I love new physical challenges too. In every other way of my life these are things that excite me and spark me and spur me on. Yeah...I think we duped ourselves and learned a lot of rationalizations and fear around giving up not just the drug but for whatever reason what we came to view as the sexy slender deliver device of it. The feel of the smoke itself...we learned that to be a rewarding and satisfying thing. We were not born with an inherent need to smoke! We taught ourselves to smoke! And we can take a big slow sweet breath of clean air and say “welcome...come on in my new sweet friend” because we are so very capable of learning new associations right up until we die.
Miss the smell? Hell no. Not when up close and personal. Little waft of it on a slight breeze where the subtle faint scent becomes a trigger? Hell yes. What do I do with it? Recognize it and then associate it’s subtle lure with the dominating, controlling, abusive, destructive force that it is and see all of it. Then I lift my wrist and take a whiff of the mind boggling and senses stirring Patchouli or Lavender or Lemon Grass or Cedar Wood oil or whatever I identified with something lovely that morning and dabbed on there..,I take a slow sweet breath of that and let it course through my mind and take me so many places, and then I take a breath of fresh air and build a new effing bridge. Then I walk right on over that bridge, tall and strong and proud with all the emotions my scent on me triggers, and I carry on with the day.
What a lovely way to put it all. I think I am using a similar method of yours. I still struggle with the illusions of what cigarettes are, but It is slowly diminishing. I remind myself of the smell, the bad breath, and the fact that it will do nothing for me. I hope this will hold up on my trip and on the remote chance that I fell like i'm going to slip I will post here. I dint have great connection there but I will try.
You got time to build plenty of new connections before your trip! How exciting is that?? Oh so very. No doubt about it; this is all a mind —-. Turn that around from that raw and meaningless encounter into some sweet love making with the sheer physical and emotional healing and empowerment of a most tender and caring and intimate session with your mind. Face that fear with your arm outstretched and hand up in the stopping motion and keep it at arms length. It won’t go away, but you are in charge of how close and personal you let it get. It’s a bad and unsatisfying, self esteem defeating date... who wants another one those?? Lol!!
Me?? I’m taking my Stepson up that switchback trail and then down that once defeating rock slope from a month or so ago, and this time there will be no hesitation whatsoever as I defeated that fear demon once already. Had to drive back out a second day to do it but the end result was I conquered it. Oh yeah. Bring this day ON!!! And I will watch that glorious and singular Sun of ours fade onto the horizon of the Mighty Pacific and know it was the best day ever and the night is yet to come. What demons lie in that dark deep water waiting.... none big enough to dwarf the incomprehensible beauty and power that also lies within.
Haha! Oh X...man...I’m on such an excited roll waiting for the teenager and her brother to get their sleepy butts moving that I totally missed what you meant! You meant Internet connection, yes? Lol. I thought you meant Inner connection. Well. Either way. Get those inner connections built up a bit more before you go and then if the internet connection isn’t good...you will have something way more powerful to tap into.
Well your post was good either way. Im super jealous you are going to the beach!
Yes mam coffee m and ms. Found them by accident. Your diet is so good. Don’t let my bad influence change your good habits. Lol. Even your candy is healthy!! Go girl!! I think I have been binging more cos of the old lost love. My thighs may be bigger but my stroke is strong and even in the pool and I feel very empowered. Even managing a few butterfly strokes a night. Woohoo!!
About now you are at the beach.....sigh. I know you will fully enjoy. Do you bring a skin to go in the water with? I will be wearing mine in about a month. I also have a warm wet suit...almost a dry suit. Just weighs me down more.
Im not sure Kombucha is curbing my hunger but it is very satisfying. Love this Tart Cherry one. A friend was over to swim and give her dog some social time with mine and she was reading ingredients....no ginger juice but maybe extract but could not taste any. She liked it too. It is Kevita..brown glass bottle. That would be good for your collection.
oh I bet that did get you on a roll talking to the dude moving to Equador. Good for him. Just more info for the future. Totally hear you about being peopled out.....I simply cannot get in that shape very often. Told Eve about my friend that came over Friday...she is the one who would not smoke around me. I convinced her it was ok and told her how I am fine around our heavy smoking friend so she went for it. Just reminds me about how I went diving for the cigarettes like that all the time.... Not happening. Am fine with those guys but out in the world, IDK.
You have snake dancer spider catching???. Lol. Poor guy. I did picture him dancing out in the driveway where I saw that copperhead. Cracked me up. Am blessed have never been bitten by any. I make a lot of noise tromping around.
I can’t remember why I didn’t swim Thursday. Great swim next 2 nights. Fixing to get out there again..yay!!
This week there are 2 hurricanes coming into the gulf. Marco and Laura. I guess first time ever. Their track changes, I know but we all are praying for rain. We never know if the effects will come this far inland. It is so dry. Last time we had those fabulous temps! Just hopping the coast does not get hammered cos COVID is still so bad in Houston.
Imagining your beautiful scenery right now and hopefully you are getting your meditative buzz on, sista!! Enjoy enjoy!!!
Hey there Peggy...
So...Sour Patch Kids is a good diet? Lol! Well...I don’t have them very often. I grew up eating simple straight forward food and think that has a lot to do with my choices still. Plus...I really don’t like to cook. And I don’t think you’re a bad influence! I’d try the coffee M&Ms for sure! And I’m gonna look for the tart cherry Kevita when back in PDX.
Yes...I wear a wet suit when I swim here. You can’t stay in long if you don’t as the water hovers only in the mid 50s even in mid summer. I have a board, but suck at it and brought it this time for Stepson. We watched the sunset while in the water and it was beautiful. Came back and got warmed up by hot showers, ate and then went out again for night walk. The Band of the Milky Way is really visible tonight as not much moon and we just laid there for about an hour and took it all in. Now I have a second wind and can’t sleep! I’m not that used to staying in a bed here either so I keep feeling like I want to grab my stuff and go sleep in the sand. Not in the right spot for that though...
Ha! “Snake dancer spider catching”... sounds like a song or a band or maybe both! Yeah...he will get ones I can’t reach if they look like ones that should go out. Sometimes I get worried about the kitties eating them as I’m not sure if they could be poisonous to them...?
So you did good around heavy smoker friend? That’s another hurdle then, yes? And she liked Kombucha too? You will be fine out in the world around it if you have to be when the time comes I’m sure.
Think I’m finally getting sleepy.
Have a wonderful Monday!
It is great that you could be around that heavy smoker friend. I have sat next to smokers a few time recently and I was totally fine.
The curious thing was, a guest had left a pack with 4 cigarettes left in it. It took everything I had to throw them in the toilette. So I didn't want one when people were smoking next to me, but just seeing these 4 available cigarettes and not smoke them was very very hard.
Brings home how vulnerable I am really.
Ok...so I’ve figured out that waiting for people makes me think of smoking. Not so much wanting one..,but thinking about how I would have had a smoke while waiting and now...it’s just waiting and pacing. Kids. Funny I say that as neither of these are Littles...17 and 26. Still, they could sleep till noon every day if left to their own choosing. We did stay up far too late watching “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”. I still love that movie even though I’ve seen it a dozen times probably. You know Peggy, we were talking about movies and one came up that we love too that made me think of you called “Second Hand Lions”. If you’ve not seen it I very highly recommend it!
So as I was walking this morning on the beach it occurred to me that you haven’t said what it is flying by your pool at night? Is it bats like you maybe thought? Are they Nighthawks? Inquiring minds want to know!
Oh...so...that is how I started back a few years after having daughter. The Ex’s dad had come to visit and he left a pack on the dresser in the room he had stayed in. I hadn’t smoked for close to 4 years, and yup....the “just one” thought did it. I am very glad you summoned your wise self and flushed them. I would probably still have to fight hard in that situation too. Strong work X!!!