Formerly known as the About.com Smoking Cessation support forum, this community is open to all who are recovering from nicotine addiction.
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It is great that you could be around that heavy smoker friend. I have sat next to smokers a few time recently and I was totally fine.
The curious thing was, a guest had left a pack with 4 cigarettes left in it. It took everything I had to throw them in the toilette. So I didn't want one when people were smoking next to me, but just seeing these 4 available cigarettes and not smoke them was very very hard.
Brings home how vulnerable I am really.
Ok...so I’ve figured out that waiting for people makes me think of smoking. Not so much wanting one..,but thinking about how I would have had a smoke while waiting and now...it’s just waiting and pacing. Kids. Funny I say that as neither of these are Littles...17 and 26. Still, they could sleep till noon every day if left to their own choosing. We did stay up far too late watching “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”. I still love that movie even though I’ve seen it a dozen times probably. You know Peggy, we were talking about movies and one came up that we love too that made me think of you called “Second Hand Lions”. If you’ve not seen it I very highly recommend it!
So as I was walking this morning on the beach it occurred to me that you haven’t said what it is flying by your pool at night? Is it bats like you maybe thought? Are they Nighthawks? Inquiring minds want to know!
Oh...so...that is how I started back a few years after having daughter. The Ex’s dad had come to visit and he left a pack on the dresser in the room he had stayed in. I hadn’t smoked for close to 4 years, and yup....the “just one” thought did it. I am very glad you summoned your wise self and flushed them. I would probably still have to fight hard in that situation too. Strong work X!!!
Welcome home!! Your trip sounds fab!! I guess I thought you would be there a few days. Eeeek 50 degree water!! Yeah buddy you better wear a warm suit!! Whoa. I imagine there must be a wilder beauty with colder waters. Idk
Interesting take on the whole quit process. I wholeheartedly agree that emotion will rule over willpower every time. Willpower is something we have to conjure up; then work and work to keep it going. It does not seem natural, like emotion is, but we have been given the ability to utilize it. In the long run it has to be emotion that keeps the quit. A deep desire fueled by love and faith and self control. Willpower is the clenching of teeth while self control is the desire to hold back out of love. I believe there is a difference.
I do think willpower has to be used a bit in the beginning without a doubt. Whatever it takes so to speak. I will use it whenever I cannot feel enough care for myself to do otherwise. I don’t know if you can follow this! Lol. Your comments just sent me to this pondering. We humans like to figure things out....lol, some more than others.
Who doesn’t love the smells of essential oils....ahhhh eucalyptus, lavender....yes!! I even mixed up my own hand sanitizer with some. Sooooo much better than store bought! How the cedar smells after a rain or fresh mowed grass and for me...the smoke of a campfire. And for me the smoke from cigs and cigars. I liked it after my last quit too. Not a trigger for me. Might seem weird.
Speaking of fires, I am so sorry about your friends having to evacuate!! Did they lose their home? Gee those fires freak me out and sooooooo hot!! Belgian Shepherds?? That sounds lovely...well anything with Shepherd attached to it I love. Belgian? Like the giant Belgian horses? I bet that was awesome playing with them and so nice to see your friend. Nice to be with people that get you and expand you!!,
I had a dream last night of cleaning all the bathrooms in my childhood home and there were more than there were really!! My most dreaded task!! A repetitive dream in some respects. Am taking that one to tribe tomorrow to discuss. Have not written it down.
I have gotten to swimming several butterfly laps. I think I had to strengthen my arms a bit. Am going to study a bit on form and go from there. Getting dark earlier so am out an hour in light and an hour in dark with pool light. Sliver of moon now. Strange smells wafting up from somewhere....almost like wild hog but dogs were not flustered so we shall see again tonight. Cool to have my sense of smell back!
Have the best smoke free day my friend! And to all the warrior gals coming to this link!!,!
I am still here!
Heading a bit further down the coast now to my favourite places so will get some good pics I hope!
I know but also I realize how easy it is slip. I hope I will not.
Yay....I see you are still there!! Guess I was one message behind. I have to agree with you about the waiting....YES....hear you loud and clear!
I love Second Hand Lions....a real feel good movie. You gotta love all the animals greeting guests!!!!
Pretty sure they were Nighthawks. Have not come back. How about you? Pelicans? Sandpipers? Or do those go to the Pacific?
Today has been a tough one. Hugs
Uh-oh...tough one isn’t fun. Better now? You should be swimming soon and hopefully that helps. I’m proud of you doing the Butterfly! That’s hard. I don’t know anything other than just regular swimming...breast stroke I think? Hahaha! Maybe I shouldn’t be in the Pacific..? Never thought about it like that as I can swim and it is the Ocean...so...there you go! I’m pretty strong but not a fancy swimmer, hows that? The Pacific can be treacherous though for sure. The Coast of Oregon is fairly rugged but does have sand beaches as well as rock beaches. The whole coast is public which is nice. But it is definitely not SoCal waters. I wouldn’t go in the water except for this time of year. Fall is known for sneaker waves and the whole coast is pretty unpredictable for undertow. I’m gonna stop writing about it as I will talk myself into not doing it alone anymore and I don’t want to live like that! There are always a few deaths a year off Oregon Coast though. There are some horrific videos on YouTube of the sneaker waves. There is a big fault line not too far from the coast too so most of the upper Coast is Tsunami area potentially. I’m way more fearful of people, and not that I wanna go anytime soon, but when it’s my time I’d rather be dragged to sea by Mother Nature than killed by some idiot drunk driver or shot by some kook. Or die from smoking related disease.... But...none of that for about 30 more years is best!
So those birds only came a few nights? Wonder if they are something migratory but it seems early for that. I don’t know the Coast birds too well but there are Pelicans in some areas, and Bald Eagles, though I see those in PDX too. And...my favorite at the Coast are the Puffins! Adorable. You see whales too. And sea lions. Funny little sand crabs by the hundreds that when you stand in the water just a bit into it from the edge like just below the knees and watch the waves come in they come up out of the sand, literally hundreds of them and ride the wave and catch plankton and as the wave goes out they very quickly burrow back under. They do this all day long, day in day out. It’s like a funny little symphony of sorts and we had lots of fun standing there a good long while today and watching them. Daughter was cracking me up with it as sometimes they hit your legs. Today we went to a specific spot at low tide so we could go into these caves that you can’t access when tide is in and there are of course tide pools in there which I love. You know, you could live so many lifetimes on this beautiful and breathtaking and awe inspiring planet of ours and only learn a small fraction about all of it’s inhabitants...just amazes me humans are so wrapped up in their heads and don’t take better care of this place really. I’ve done my damage too just by existing and in the past by smoking for sure. But we were walking along these rocks and there was an are of all the different types of barnacles and I just couldn’t walk on them as there are little creatures inside there and when you watch the water come in over you see them pop out. Couldn’t think of walking on them and chancing breaking the shell. Some of those things are so...Star Wars looking it makes me realize how writers and artists for all of this SciFi stuff get their ideas!! Right under our noses every day.
Hope you feel better Peggy Dear. Tomorrow is a brand new day and you will have your Tribe and they will feed you and comfort you. It will be better I am 100% certain.
I’ll look for a shooting star for you tonight and send you a wish. And the same big hug Eastward is always coming on the breeze, and tonight will have a little breathe of salt air and a glimpse of Mermaids....
Good morning...well later morning there...
So I did see a few shooting starts last night. One was heading East for you too, though it was just a fleeting spot of brightness it passed by just long enough to gather up some good things to bring your way and make this day bright for you! Actually there were several...not sure if remnants of the Perseid or just a pretty night. Venus, Mars, Jupiter all shining brightly too...keeping right on track despite the black sheep of the solar system and all the destruction we bring....amazing concept, yes? I’m sure if we could find a way that we thought would give us some domineering advantage we’d alter their course if we could...Humans. Ugh.
Do I have to go back today? I’m sorry...I don’t mean that as nihilistic as it sounds as there likely is some guiding principles out there if even their deepest meaning largely eludes us... I always come away from the Ocean a bit renewed and hopeful generally to find those hopes dashed quite quickly once I’m on the road back. Also I have to take Stepson to the train this afternoon and I hate that empty and hollow feeling one gets when someone you love so dearly and completely has to go back to somewhere far away. Not that Seattle is far and I see him fairly regularly...still, there is the feeling of a little magic lost when the spell of being physically together is broken. I’m a very lucky person indeed to have him and my daughter in my life and view them as the sole reason and purpose for the painful relationship I had with their dad. And it makes me grateful to him too really. They also make not smoking so worthwhile and I have to be careful not to get my head caught up in all the regret of years having smoked and thinking about potential long term consequences of my self destructive action. Eyes on the prize today for sure, and forward march in this quit even when sadness and emptiness pass through.
Which brings me to something you wrote about using willpower to buck up and sustain us at times. Yes. Definitely. Didn’t mean to diminish the powers of willpower. For me, and I suspect you, I have to make not smoking an emotional thing more so though. Must say there is something admirable to those who it works the other way, yes? Yeah...would be really nice not to have had any emotional connection to smoking. I think we will get there Peggy. In time.