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First 10 days review   General Chit-Chat

Started 5/6/20 by Musivore; 46855 views.
Loreficent

From: Loreficent

Aug-25

Good morning...well later morning there...

So I did see a few shooting starts last night. One was heading East for you too, though it was just a fleeting spot of brightness it passed by just long enough to gather up some good things to bring your way and make this day bright for you! Actually there were several...not sure if remnants of the Perseid or just a pretty night. Venus, Mars, Jupiter all shining brightly too...keeping right on track despite the black sheep of the solar system and all the destruction we bring....amazing concept, yes? I’m sure if we could find a way that we thought would give us some domineering advantage we’d alter their course if we could...Humans. Ugh.
Do I have to go back today? I’m sorry...I don’t mean that as nihilistic as it sounds as there likely is some guiding principles out there if even their deepest meaning largely eludes us... I always come away from the Ocean a bit renewed and hopeful generally to find those hopes dashed quite quickly once I’m on the road back. Also I have to take Stepson to the train this afternoon and I hate that empty and hollow feeling one gets when someone you love so dearly and completely has to go back to somewhere far away. Not that Seattle is far and I see him fairly regularly...still, there is the feeling of a little magic lost when the spell of being physically together is broken. I’m a very lucky person indeed to have him and my daughter in my life and view them as the sole reason and purpose for the painful relationship I had with their dad. And it makes me grateful to him too really. They also make not smoking so worthwhile and I have to be careful not to get my head caught up in all the regret of years having smoked and thinking about potential long term consequences of my self destructive action. Eyes on the prize today for sure, and forward march in this quit even when sadness and emptiness pass through. 
Which brings me to something you wrote about using willpower to buck up and sustain us at times. Yes. Definitely. Didn’t mean to diminish the powers of willpower. For me, and I suspect you, I have to make not smoking an emotional thing more so though. Must say there is something admirable to those who it works the other way, yes? Yeah...would be really nice not to have had any emotional connection to smoking. I think we will get there Peggy. In time. 

  • Edited August 25, 2020 12:26 pm  by  Loreficent
Anne2020

From: Anne2020

Aug-25

If I may ask, how long have you been non-smoker?  Your posts reads like you are going through allot of emotional adjustments.  Are you using NRT's? 

Loreficent

From: Loreficent

Aug-25

Hey there...

I quit on February 23rd initially, had a very small slip early March where I smoked part of one. Had another bigger slip early June where I smoked 8 in one day. I did use the patch for like close to 12 weeks. Was off that and then had this short notice unexpected visit from a family member who is an ex smoker at the end of July. After a the first few days there was so much other stuff going on with her and with my lack of space that I need daily that I put a 7mg patch back on again for about a week. Took it off the day after she left though which is I think 3 weeks ago today? 
Im pretty passionate about lots of stuff all around, mostly in a good way. I do think smoking was a huge way to temper that over the years and I likely built a ton of connections with smoking that still relate to emotions. Much less now than at first when I quit  for sure. But yeah...still there. 

Should add too that I will never view myself as a non smoker but always an Ex smoker. Probably just semantics to some, but I think once an addict always an addict even if not using; the potential for us to pick it up again will always be greater at my age than for someone who never smoked to start at this age....

xvaper

From: xvaper

Aug-25

I agree, I can never be a none smoker. That's just impossible. None smokers cannot understand what it feels like, not just the physical addictive sensation, but the emotional tether that we created with cigarettes. I know a few heavy smokers who quit one day, cold turkey and had zero interest in smoking since then and some find cigarettes disgusting. I am clearly not one of these people. But maybe I will be some day.

Loreficent

From: Loreficent

Aug-25

Oh I bet the day will come when you have zero interest. And I think it is wise to remain mindful of where you’ve been too. I’ve seen folks who quit cold turkey many years ago and said they didn’t miss it pick it back up again, me being one of those. Had quit cold turkey before I had my daughter and it lasted nearly 4 years. Quit longer ago before that, Cold turkey also, in my mid 20’s for nearly 3 years. So now...I take that experience and knowledge going forward with what I said being I will always be an addict. Any addict is always vulnerable and I think it wise to just accept that and move forward with some level of guard up the rest of our lives. Yes...there are connections made that will always be there mentally.  Same with alcohol, Meth, heroin, whatever...even ice cream! Lol! Also from a physical standpoint we will always be “Exs” and never “Nons”. The current recommendation for anyone who is 55 years old and has 30 years smoking is to start yearly low dose CT lung cancer screening. Why? Because no matter how we slice it, physical damage is done and there will always remain that which is not reparable and we remain with increased risk for things the rest of our lives. Hard to hear, yes. But it can also be motivating to stay quit and stop continuing to do physical damage. There is some talk of after so many years our lung cancer risk is equal to that of a non smoker, but that is quite different than risk being the same as one who never smoked. Again... perhaps a bit of semantics. But anyone who thinks their body ever heals from our poor choices 100% is kidding themselves, which makes me keep my guard up. 
Edit: I was wrong initially X but put the link below with the recommendation. Have been doing more reading too and within that site there are different recommendations from others if you expand the tab that says “Recommendations of Others”.

In reply toRe: msg 432
Loreficent

From: Loreficent

Aug-25

Correction: Low Dose CT screening is different than what I said, sorry about that. Here is a link to the guideline:

https://www.uspreventiveservicestaskforce.org/uspstf/recommendation/lung-cancer-screening

Also this is a US preventative service task force guideline and it may be different in other countries.

euknight

From: euknight

Aug-26

Lore,
What a fabulous description.  Definately different than the Texas coast.  Much more WILD.  The caves and barnacles with creatures popping out....whoa....Definately like a syfy flick!!  Love it!! Puffins , whales, sea lions...wow.  Have never seen any of that!!  How cool you get pelicans in PDX!!!  So happy you have access to such a beautiful place.  Ewwwww. Sneaker waves...have never heard that term.

Yes I am better, thank you.  Very strong desire to smoke most the day.  Ick.  But I didn’t.  It is disheartening when I thought those would be gone by now.  Really gets me down at times.  But the swim helped a ton last night and tonight.  We may get some weather from Hurricane Laura.  They have called evacuations in TX and LA but have not issued them in Houston. The surge will be strong and much rain and power outages. Having to go thru all that with COVID is a lot.  So tomorrow and Thursday we shall see.

So sweet to send a shooting star my way!!  I saw a few swimming.  The space station was visible a few nights back.  I cannot seem to master the dolphin kick on the butterfly stroke.  It is really hard.!!  Maybe if I had a mermaid outfit it would help....lol.  Probably not.  So yeah I stick with the breaststroke usually.  Did some pool noodle stuff last 2 nights.  I also have free weights.  I like mixing it up!!

Have a beautiful smoke free night and day!!! Hugs to you and all the warriors!!

Peggy

5-8-20

Loreficent

From: Loreficent

Aug-26

Well friend, come visit and we will go to the coast. It is pretty rugged and so so pretty. I’m sorry...my grammar wasn’t correct there. We have Eagles in PDX but not Pelicans that I’ve seen. You can see Whales at the coast though. You don’t get to see a whole one all at once of course. But...in recent past there was a large one that washed up dead on one of the beaches. OR Dept of Fish and Wildlife couldn’t figure out how to get rid of it. Was way too big to haul off. So...they stuck some dynamite in it and...Yup. Google that. It does kind of make sense though. Gross. People complain about Sea Lions up near Astoria. They eat Salmon is why. Hmmmm. 
Oh...it does sound like a dreadful combination of the expected storms right now with COVID. Those poor people. Are they evacuating? And how do you put up shelters with COVID right? Very worrisome. Wow. 
I had a thinking about smoking day too! Moon phase??? Lol, of course not.For me it was Stepson leaving. And just...stuff. It was better this evening though.

So what do you do with the noodles? It sounds fun. And weights in the pool? Or is that out? And what was the smell the other night? I’m very aware of smells. Hence the essential oils. Love that you mixed your own! Daughter does that and makes some lovely combinations. She always smells so good. And they help a ton with not smoking for me. It really helps to just smell my wrist. Sounds weird and probably looks more weird but hey...whatever helps. I read somewhere once that about our sense of smell being so primitive but having the strongest and deepest connection to memory. I’m like you that I love the smell of  campfire. Not cigars so much but I love the smell of a pipe. Maybe linked to my Dad. I have his favourite pipe that he used the most and the bowl still smells of his tobacco. I leave it on a shelf in my living room. 

Typing this on my phone as forgot to charge iPad and it does help having new phone but like iPad better for long stuff!

Gonna try to sleep now. Miss Maisy is not wanting me too but she will settle down Huggy and Calvin are already out. Boys. Dog out too though. She was bummed to not go to the beach as she loves it. I love watching all the dogs there. They look SO happy! 
More later my friend. Glad you liked the star! It was a good one.

Big hugs!!

Loreficent

From: Loreficent

Aug-26

I just watched videos of them blowing up that whale. So gross. It was ODOT though and not Fish and Wildlife...sorry I blamed them. Guess it stunk pretty bad and a huge piece flying smashed a car some ways away. They have a newer video with the original reporter on the phone talking about it. Hilarious. Now I want to know how often does a dead whale actually wash ashore? The things one reads about with morning coffee! 
Daughter and I saw a Sea Lion that had washed up on the beach when she was about 5. The look of horrified fascination on that child’s face. I have pictures of that. The smell was absolutely horrendous. Smells pretty bad to get pooped on by a Seagull by the way. That happened to her last summer when we were in Victoria with Pat’s mom. Took us a bit to figure out what the smell was and why it was following us. OMG. You could still smell it after her shower. She has PTSD now about birds pooping from above and is always looking up and warning me when we walk if there is a bird on wire. Must be what Seagulls eat as that was very bad. 

Loreficent

From: Loreficent

Aug-26

Ok. So seems my mind didn’t wander to quite this many strange places when I smoked...? Not that I’m gonna start again, but it seems I recall having more “blankness “ in the morning. Which isn’t necessarily good. So I just read about why a dead whale would wash ashore. Which led me to articles about these poor whales that have lost their fluke and this scientist that follows them and documents their tailless lives. Think I better go back to bed and wake up and go see John. Just heard about another Agave bloom in SW PDX from my Nursery friend. So funny as the last one is only about half a mile from his house and he hadn’t seen it yet when I emailed him the pictures.  He isn’t sure where exactly the new one is, just the general area. Think I’ll plan a nice long walk after a nap and make it a quest. Take some snacks and all that. Gotta get my mind off of dead and maimed whales as it is getting depressing. These long stretches of days off are both a blessing and a curse for me.... Maybe new Agave photo coming with a little luck. If not maybe at least the most recent one has full blooms now. 

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