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I see that you're feeling frisky and man crazy. You little she-devil. I'm always interested in any recipe I can find. I've rarely found a recipe that wasn't worth trying. So ante up, ladies! I'm going to check out that book. I never turn away books but I don't love books about war. We have free little libraries here. People put up these oversized bird houses (in their yard) and fill them with books. You take one and leave one. It's a cool idea and there are a few nearby. I really should put one up and fill it with my mr. Rogers book collection. Spread the word kindness around. I'm sure the 90 year old neighbors would appreciate it, if I had large print, anyway. Maybe I could put out audio books. My neighborhood is all people 70 and up. When we were moving in, the neighbors came over to introduce themselves and asked where our parents were. What a world. I refuse to suggest funny business for you to partake in. Although when I was a kid I did squirt half a bottle of dish soap in the very bottom of my brothers bed. He got in that night to get cozy and was met with floral sludge on his tootsies. I was dating a guy that was horrible so I put forks in between the couch cushions, tines up. He sat twice and was grabbing his tenders and squealing. What a jerk.
Oh my. Well, this is what St Eve does you see. Stirs the pot. Well, all in fun and distraction. I’m not so much a she-devil really. Someday maybe that best in me will come out. Perhaps. It’s doing fine safely tucked away and kept under control. Some things are...just better that way.
So I had the most renewing walk Ive had in a couple of weeks. Managed to get out a bit earlier and get close to 3 hours of nice night alone time. It’s dark so much earlier now. Felt so meditative tonight. Perfect temp, cleaner cooler air. Actually was coming back in the door and realized I hadn’t thought at all of smoking. You know, that was a good hindsight.
My friend is coming tomorrow. We will have lunch and then she wants me to go with her to her property. She hasn’t been yet and feels she may need somebody to lean on. It’s gonna break my heart to see her so sad. So...just, overwhelmed and disconnected from all she had. I hate to say this, but, I’m hoping not to find Riley. Not sure you know...Riley is the Border Collie that got left as she thinks he was trying to herd up the cows that also got left. I didn’t get too close, maybe a couple of miles that night when I met the road block going toward her place. The smoke was quite bad there even, and I know she waited till the absolute last second she could to go, she told me it was really loud and she could hear the fire coming and she couldn’t see well her eyes hurt her and she knew she couldn’t wait. She was the last one I think to come out that road, had the Sheriff behind her. It was a shift of wind and a spot fire between other fires, but most of that area is burned now as the fires kind of met up. Will be something to see tomorrow I’m sure. She said she verified with the Sheriff office we can go there safely now. She has a neighbor that was about half mile away that’s been back and let her know. I told her we ought not to bring Max. He is calm now here and has seemed happy. He’s been such a good boy and just kept his distance from the kitties. He should not go back out there now I think. I don’t know. Dogs don’t get on Forums and write stuff out of their heads and process the way we do. I’m not sure we know exactly what they do, but, I know they feel things deeply. Would you take one of your dogs Tiny? I don’t think we should. She will spend the night here and we will head out to the Coast on Thursday. Will be good. Salt air. Healing, like salt water. I got us a room that will take dogs and we can take them to the beach and just walk. She knows we can be together and I won’t expect her to talk, and she can just be. Anyway. So maybe I’ll get you a Starfish picture, a purple one. I usually see them. You see them together, the purple and orange. Like the sky colors sometimes. So pretty when it’s that way. What a year. Feels good to just walk and step back and out of it and just walk along. You realize all the stuff I write on here is just natter and thoughts that I’d be sitting on my deck smoking and thinking right? That seems far away too. Like it’s almost another time. Lost in the 2020 time warp.
Toast bread, butter when done. Put on plate add cheese and melt in microwave. But put on 1/2 power so cheese doesn’t melt too fast. Done no mess no fuss.....quick n easy.
Tiny that’s hilarious! You are my new hero!
Oh, not sure if Daughter toasted the bread first. I just remember Pat using a spatula and scraping off this gooey blob of bread and cheese and appearing to happily gobble it down while Daughter looked on saying she wasn’t sure why it did that. She has made many shall I call them “breads” in the oven over the years that have often been quite good, but there have been several that I’ve snuck into the green bin and told her that Pat must have eaten them in the night.
Yes, that is quite funny Tiny! I will remember on any future outings not to tick you off. I’ll also remember to check the seat cushions before sitting!
Im glad to hear you have the free libraries! We have those also. It was kind of nice at the beginning of the Pandemic there were often rolls of TP in them there for folks who were having a hard time finding it in stores. I thought that was quite generous of folks to put out their spares.
It’s funny too your neighbors were asking where you and hubby’s parents were! How did you land in what sounds like a retirement community? I think you should hang onto your Mr Rogers collection. The way the world is going you may want to reread some of that over the dark long days of Winter.
Do you get a lot of snow? I do not miss having that for five months out of the year. Just don’t. I could quite happily retire at the age of 60 in, say, Malta. I like snow when you can travel to it, romp around for the day, and then come back out of it and see it in the rear view mirror. I do like snow shoe hikes and do that quite often in the Winter here. Cross country is nice too but I’m not much of a downhill skiing kind of gal. It’s gotten to be quite “fluffy”. It’s nicer out there on trails through the forest where you can hear your thoughts and see the bunnies and such. I used to toboggan a lot, but that doesn’t seem as big here as it did in Michigan. Mmm. Nice little flask of Ginger Brandy in the coat pocket and off we’d go. Winter nights are nice, snow in moonlight, watching the herds of deer scrounging in the fields. I’ve such fond memories of growing up in the country. I’m very grateful for having had that. Pat cannot relate. He likes to camp and hike and be in it though. I suspect he’d do ok wherever there was a basketball hoop and his record player. I often wish I’d moved to the country with Daughter. Makes me wonder how her life might be different. Not better, just different. She is quite adventurous in her own way though and for that I’m very happy. She will do fine in the world.
Finger is better this morning and you will glad to know it drained some on its own. Still sore but better and bendable now. Better living through chemistry perhaps. And salt water.
I’ll be off in a while to look for charred dog bones in the rain. Ugh. Not sure what to expect and I don’t mean that to sound as awful as it does, but, essentially that is what I will be doing. I’m dreading going out there actually and can not really imagine how my friend must feel. Very glad I’m going with her though and she is not going first time alone. She is a pretty strong gal, but loved her place so much. Just so much. I think the Ocean will bring some healing and soothing feeling tomorrow for sure. Feel like I could swim right on out into it now. Good to have the rain her now though. Very very good.
Oh, forgot to tell you! The crunchy store did have those pears and I got two for me and my friend to have for lunch today. I was gonna make her a tuna sandwich but I may experiment on her with Eve’s grilled cheese! Need something to make her smile!
I'll hold on to my mr.rogers, then. Well, I live in town, so it's not like I live deep in the woods. National forests and that sort of thing are around the corner and it's easy to access lakes,rivers and hiking. But that said, it's not like I live in ulm. (No amenities, last time I checked) I hope you like your pears. I think they are fabulous, even though they aren't very big. People here were stingy about toilet paper. It was hard to get s roll and one of my neighbors was selling rolls for 3 bucks each. What a jerk. No snow yet but the highs are in the 60s the rest of the week. I have to move my day Lillys and I fear I'm already too late. Condensation on the car this morning. Oh, here's something cute. A local black bear got picked up near the capital building in Helena. It was called in that he was wandering around a playground. They tranquilized him and are releasing him up in the woods. Never a dull day. I'm trying the grilled cheese. I think not toasting it was where I went wrong. Be a source of peace for your friend. This must be so hard, to love a place and animals and have it burn. Maybe this is a phoenix thing and she'll rise up out of the ash anew. I know you can help her heal by being there and heck, show her a starfish. I've been watching YouTube videos and did you know that some starfish eat coral? And that they don't always have 5 arms? I love the pudgy blue ones. A starfish would brighten my day. I went back to the dentist because my gums still hurt and he did x-rays and said it's because of the crown he just did. I guess there's a margin you have to have for doing one, and it was pretty close but he figured I'd be ok. I guess it's too close to the gums so they are pretty angry. So now I get referred to an oral surgeon to get my gums nipped. Great. And my employers dental insurance sucks and I've already met their payout max. On the bright side I get to keep the tooth and it's not infected. It's one toward the front so I don t want a hole if I don't have to. Ive heard mixed reviews on implants but I'd rather not if it's not necessary. That's my tale so far today. I really am trying the grilled cheese tonight, Eve. I'll let you know how it develops. Oh and I left a phone message for my brother from a myra mains. I left the number for a funeral home. Hahaha. I'm a jerk.
Oh that’s funny! Took me a minute to get it. He thought he was getting a message from some gal and he got a funeral home. Tiny...that’s she-devil!
Of course I will be strong for her. I do believe I will. I wrote something out that the process of writing helped me turn this thing around. I’m pretty amazed at how much I’ve used writing on here the last several months to process. I am very grateful for all of you all too that I’ve “met” and journeyed with.
I gotta shower off some tears and brush and braid my hair and get myself looking like I’m a rock. Am using Vetiver oil for strength. Such an earthy smell. Essential oils help me a ton with anxiety. Friend is into them too and she will likely recognize the scent and I’m hoping it is grounding and familiar and comforting for her.
Yes. A Rock. Will put a small one in my pocket to fumble with and remind me.
Starfish tomorrow Tiny. Starfish tomorrow.
Oh. Forgot to tell you, Daughter is in Bozeman since yesterday for a couple of days. She likes it.
We are back. Sitting on my deck now, listening to the rain on the roof and watching the clouds. I’ve not waited for the darkness to come with such a feeling of need for quite some time. The cloak to wrap the mind and soul and shield us from the painful days, days that weigh and will linger on the heart forever more. Max is quite content to lay with his head in his momma’s lap. We are content with our tea and the rain. The untimely and drenching rain. As I watch my friend with her steaming cup I know. I know she is thinking this. It is the one thing she said the whole drive back, was about the rain being always untimely and “why can’t Nature get something like that more right.” I know she was being facetious intentionally; she is a person of good strength and humour.
It is funny, so funny how our minds prepare. Before she came I was so anxious and worried that I could not cry first. Determined myself I would not cry first. Had this little visual and plot for the day. We’d eat our lunch and drive out, walk around. We were both in tears as she came through my door and I was grateful. So grateful I no longer needed to worry about crying first, no need to be the rock I had anxiously prepared all morning to be. My mind had not and could not prepare me for the overwhelming love and gratitude I felt to wrap my arms around her.
I had no idea what to expect. My nostrils and lungs have been filled by the smoke for days, working in it as blazes in the distance consumed. I’ve seen plenty of pictures and videos of here on the devastation and scorched earth, the bits of blackened trees that still stand, the remains of homes and cars, the flames, the sky, the brave brave souls who are there fighting courageously and relentlessly fueled by their need to help their fellow man, the refugees at the center where I take the food bags with their hollow faces and tear stained eyes, some looking so blank and soulless. Defeated. She wins. Mother Nature always wins. There is nothing the Fates have written so deeply in stone as this. It is in every cell of our beings and every cell of all living things and all existing structure of Hers by design, and oh what a design it is. She wins. Until this very day I always said I did not want to be cremated. I have a fear, very deep irrational fear of burning. As if we would be aware of turning into ash. Now...I have no words to describe what I have seen today. The smell. I know it will never be as deeply as my friend, nor as deeply as that of many others, but I will forever be haunted by this day. The ash and remains. The symbol of rebirth and starting new it is. For what else could it be without that hope? We did not see a semblance of Riley. I had finally come around after writing somewhere else here before she came how that could be closure for her. Now, she goes on. With Max. Sweet soft Max. I will not ask if she has hope for Riley to come out of the ash and haze still. We must all have our deep and unshared hopes within our hearts where they are safe and untouched by reality.
Bozeman is a super neat place to be. She should stop at dee-o-gee and get some fancy pupcakes and cookies for your dogs. They bake them themselves. They are a fancy dog store and I admit I have bought a sweater for my poodle there. Don't judge, he gets really cold in the winters. I even have boots and coats for my dogs because they love a good walk, regardless of the season and the snow builds up round here. You don't want ice chunks in between their toes. We bake our own puppy cookies and muffins. In fact, we get a barksgiving meal delivered to us from an online company at Thanksgiving. It's so cute, they have all the favorites, a pot pie, mashed potatoes, cornbread stuffing and pie for dessert. It's so big we split it between the two dogs for two dinners. Can you tell that we pamper our pooches? We don't have kids so we like to spend our cash in our furry family. Without smoking I have extra cash (after this oral surgery, anyway) so I'm trying to decide what to do with it. Maybe I'll use it towards my ocean vacation.