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Oh, not sure if Daughter toasted the bread first. I just remember Pat using a spatula and scraping off this gooey blob of bread and cheese and appearing to happily gobble it down while Daughter looked on saying she wasn’t sure why it did that. She has made many shall I call them “breads” in the oven over the years that have often been quite good, but there have been several that I’ve snuck into the green bin and told her that Pat must have eaten them in the night.
Yes, that is quite funny Tiny! I will remember on any future outings not to tick you off. I’ll also remember to check the seat cushions before sitting!
Im glad to hear you have the free libraries! We have those also. It was kind of nice at the beginning of the Pandemic there were often rolls of TP in them there for folks who were having a hard time finding it in stores. I thought that was quite generous of folks to put out their spares.
It’s funny too your neighbors were asking where you and hubby’s parents were! How did you land in what sounds like a retirement community? I think you should hang onto your Mr Rogers collection. The way the world is going you may want to reread some of that over the dark long days of Winter.
Do you get a lot of snow? I do not miss having that for five months out of the year. Just don’t. I could quite happily retire at the age of 60 in, say, Malta. I like snow when you can travel to it, romp around for the day, and then come back out of it and see it in the rear view mirror. I do like snow shoe hikes and do that quite often in the Winter here. Cross country is nice too but I’m not much of a downhill skiing kind of gal. It’s gotten to be quite “fluffy”. It’s nicer out there on trails through the forest where you can hear your thoughts and see the bunnies and such. I used to toboggan a lot, but that doesn’t seem as big here as it did in Michigan. Mmm. Nice little flask of Ginger Brandy in the coat pocket and off we’d go. Winter nights are nice, snow in moonlight, watching the herds of deer scrounging in the fields. I’ve such fond memories of growing up in the country. I’m very grateful for having had that. Pat cannot relate. He likes to camp and hike and be in it though. I suspect he’d do ok wherever there was a basketball hoop and his record player. I often wish I’d moved to the country with Daughter. Makes me wonder how her life might be different. Not better, just different. She is quite adventurous in her own way though and for that I’m very happy. She will do fine in the world.
Finger is better this morning and you will glad to know it drained some on its own. Still sore but better and bendable now. Better living through chemistry perhaps. And salt water.
I’ll be off in a while to look for charred dog bones in the rain. Ugh. Not sure what to expect and I don’t mean that to sound as awful as it does, but, essentially that is what I will be doing. I’m dreading going out there actually and can not really imagine how my friend must feel. Very glad I’m going with her though and she is not going first time alone. She is a pretty strong gal, but loved her place so much. Just so much. I think the Ocean will bring some healing and soothing feeling tomorrow for sure. Feel like I could swim right on out into it now. Good to have the rain her now though. Very very good.
Oh, forgot to tell you! The crunchy store did have those pears and I got two for me and my friend to have for lunch today. I was gonna make her a tuna sandwich but I may experiment on her with Eve’s grilled cheese! Need something to make her smile!
I'll hold on to my mr.rogers, then. Well, I live in town, so it's not like I live deep in the woods. National forests and that sort of thing are around the corner and it's easy to access lakes,rivers and hiking. But that said, it's not like I live in ulm. (No amenities, last time I checked) I hope you like your pears. I think they are fabulous, even though they aren't very big. People here were stingy about toilet paper. It was hard to get s roll and one of my neighbors was selling rolls for 3 bucks each. What a jerk. No snow yet but the highs are in the 60s the rest of the week. I have to move my day Lillys and I fear I'm already too late. Condensation on the car this morning. Oh, here's something cute. A local black bear got picked up near the capital building in Helena. It was called in that he was wandering around a playground. They tranquilized him and are releasing him up in the woods. Never a dull day. I'm trying the grilled cheese. I think not toasting it was where I went wrong. Be a source of peace for your friend. This must be so hard, to love a place and animals and have it burn. Maybe this is a phoenix thing and she'll rise up out of the ash anew. I know you can help her heal by being there and heck, show her a starfish. I've been watching YouTube videos and did you know that some starfish eat coral? And that they don't always have 5 arms? I love the pudgy blue ones. A starfish would brighten my day. I went back to the dentist because my gums still hurt and he did x-rays and said it's because of the crown he just did. I guess there's a margin you have to have for doing one, and it was pretty close but he figured I'd be ok. I guess it's too close to the gums so they are pretty angry. So now I get referred to an oral surgeon to get my gums nipped. Great. And my employers dental insurance sucks and I've already met their payout max. On the bright side I get to keep the tooth and it's not infected. It's one toward the front so I don t want a hole if I don't have to. Ive heard mixed reviews on implants but I'd rather not if it's not necessary. That's my tale so far today. I really am trying the grilled cheese tonight, Eve. I'll let you know how it develops. Oh and I left a phone message for my brother from a myra mains. I left the number for a funeral home. Hahaha. I'm a jerk.
Oh that’s funny! Took me a minute to get it. He thought he was getting a message from some gal and he got a funeral home. Tiny...that’s she-devil!
Of course I will be strong for her. I do believe I will. I wrote something out that the process of writing helped me turn this thing around. I’m pretty amazed at how much I’ve used writing on here the last several months to process. I am very grateful for all of you all too that I’ve “met” and journeyed with.
I gotta shower off some tears and brush and braid my hair and get myself looking like I’m a rock. Am using Vetiver oil for strength. Such an earthy smell. Essential oils help me a ton with anxiety. Friend is into them too and she will likely recognize the scent and I’m hoping it is grounding and familiar and comforting for her.
Yes. A Rock. Will put a small one in my pocket to fumble with and remind me.
Starfish tomorrow Tiny. Starfish tomorrow.
Oh. Forgot to tell you, Daughter is in Bozeman since yesterday for a couple of days. She likes it.
We are back. Sitting on my deck now, listening to the rain on the roof and watching the clouds. I’ve not waited for the darkness to come with such a feeling of need for quite some time. The cloak to wrap the mind and soul and shield us from the painful days, days that weigh and will linger on the heart forever more. Max is quite content to lay with his head in his momma’s lap. We are content with our tea and the rain. The untimely and drenching rain. As I watch my friend with her steaming cup I know. I know she is thinking this. It is the one thing she said the whole drive back, was about the rain being always untimely and “why can’t Nature get something like that more right.” I know she was being facetious intentionally; she is a person of good strength and humour.
It is funny, so funny how our minds prepare. Before she came I was so anxious and worried that I could not cry first. Determined myself I would not cry first. Had this little visual and plot for the day. We’d eat our lunch and drive out, walk around. We were both in tears as she came through my door and I was grateful. So grateful I no longer needed to worry about crying first, no need to be the rock I had anxiously prepared all morning to be. My mind had not and could not prepare me for the overwhelming love and gratitude I felt to wrap my arms around her.
I had no idea what to expect. My nostrils and lungs have been filled by the smoke for days, working in it as blazes in the distance consumed. I’ve seen plenty of pictures and videos of here on the devastation and scorched earth, the bits of blackened trees that still stand, the remains of homes and cars, the flames, the sky, the brave brave souls who are there fighting courageously and relentlessly fueled by their need to help their fellow man, the refugees at the center where I take the food bags with their hollow faces and tear stained eyes, some looking so blank and soulless. Defeated. She wins. Mother Nature always wins. There is nothing the Fates have written so deeply in stone as this. It is in every cell of our beings and every cell of all living things and all existing structure of Hers by design, and oh what a design it is. She wins. Until this very day I always said I did not want to be cremated. I have a fear, very deep irrational fear of burning. As if we would be aware of turning into ash. Now...I have no words to describe what I have seen today. The smell. I know it will never be as deeply as my friend, nor as deeply as that of many others, but I will forever be haunted by this day. The ash and remains. The symbol of rebirth and starting new it is. For what else could it be without that hope? We did not see a semblance of Riley. I had finally come around after writing somewhere else here before she came how that could be closure for her. Now, she goes on. With Max. Sweet soft Max. I will not ask if she has hope for Riley to come out of the ash and haze still. We must all have our deep and unshared hopes within our hearts where they are safe and untouched by reality.
Bozeman is a super neat place to be. She should stop at dee-o-gee and get some fancy pupcakes and cookies for your dogs. They bake them themselves. They are a fancy dog store and I admit I have bought a sweater for my poodle there. Don't judge, he gets really cold in the winters. I even have boots and coats for my dogs because they love a good walk, regardless of the season and the snow builds up round here. You don't want ice chunks in between their toes. We bake our own puppy cookies and muffins. In fact, we get a barksgiving meal delivered to us from an online company at Thanksgiving. It's so cute, they have all the favorites, a pot pie, mashed potatoes, cornbread stuffing and pie for dessert. It's so big we split it between the two dogs for two dinners. Can you tell that we pamper our pooches? We don't have kids so we like to spend our cash in our furry family. Without smoking I have extra cash (after this oral surgery, anyway) so I'm trying to decide what to do with it. Maybe I'll use it towards my ocean vacation.
Ahhh...lovely and wise Susan. I’m so happy you feel that way. It is a Tribe day today. My thanks are to you and all of my Tribe.
Ohh...you have left.
Daughter left Bozeman around 5am. Will be good to have her safely home and am expecting her and her friend around 6. I’ll be leaving the Coast around 1. Have to check tide tables and see about going out in a minute here. Took the dogs out for a short walk around 5 and went back to bed for a bit. Kind of nice to actually have a bed here. I generally am by myself and sneak off in the woods with my pack and bag and call it home for the night. Bed is nice too though and certainly drier and warmer. Will look for a purple Starfish this morning for you Tiny if the tide is in my favor. It’s rainy and windy. Nice. Keeps most of the people away, though does make the water something to be more mindful of. No plans for getting washed away by a sneaker for me today though. Have you thought about what area of the Ocean you and hubby will go to? It’s all beautiful. I’ve been along the whole West Coast from Neah Bay in Washington down to Big Sur (stunning) and then some SoCal Coast and Baja. I’m partial to Oregon Coast from Manzanita up to Hug Point particularly. There’s an area near Devil’s Punch Bowl that is nice. Have taken Daughter car camping down at Sunset Bay quite a bit and that is lovely. Saw a lot of Whales near there. You can see them anywhere along the Coast during migration. Orcas up in Washington more. It’s all pretty. As much as I love it I’m not sure I want to live right on the Coast. Incessant wind it seems. I do suspect I’ll be within an hour or so of some Ocean no matter where I land some day though as it does seem to be a need for me. Always a calling there. Oregon will be home for a couple more years at any rate. If it doesn’t burn up one way or another.
I'd like to go in oregon or Washington because it's so close and I've heard those states are nice. You've really got me excited about oregon, so maybe there. I'm pretty jacked about the whole idea of seeing things and being able to touch and hear the water. I think I'll find it soothing and interesting. I'm glad max liked the beach. I was hoping he would. One of our dogs loves his puppy pool and the sprinkler. When we water the plants outside he runs in and out of the sprayer so I've always wanted to take him somewhere. The nearby lakes don't like dogs in the water because they poop and pee and it's not hygenic. They have lots of signs posted. We will have to take him somewhere further away or more remote. How is your friend? Is she holding strong ? I hope so. I was thinking of her this morning and how brave she is. What a woman of strength. No pressure on the starfish, I know you've got things to do and people to see, and puppies to care for. Enjoy and relax, you deserve it.