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First 10 days review   General Chit-Chat

Started 5/6/20 by Musivore; 112141 views.

From: Loreficent


So...what started as a nightly trek months ago continues. And tonight I was rewarded again on my journey with the sight of what has become known as “The Agave”. Again my heart quickened as I came around the curve and it was with great relief that I saw he still stands erect and yet unwavering, his towering blooms drying in the wind. 
This was a perfect Portland evening as far as sky and weather...it truly is a night that if I didn’t have duty calling at 7am I would likely be out walking for a few more hours. Of course I do sit down on a curb or a rock or whatever for 5-10 minutes every hour or so to just turn off my music and listen to the night. Sometimes I think I about smoking still as this is what I did for so long, but on nights like tonight? Nah. Too many other things that are so fulfilling with scents and sounds, and yet still, the lack of sounds.

I know you are fed up with lockdown Dee and find it challenging. For me, my life hasn’t changed much other than wearing a mask and lines. In the grand scheme of things that stuff doesn’t matter much. Other  things that have changed I’ve grown to love very much and I will miss them. I love darkness and quiet. I love this pace and peace. I’m also very lucky to live in a relatively safe city as far as US cities go, and for the size of it and I will still be able to walk for hours with little worry. But the stillness of the night will change a lot as things open and I am not ready. Truthfully...I am not sure if I will ever be ready for things to go back to the way they were here. I guess I can keep the quiet in my heart and just carry it with me. No matter what bustle is going on, I will know it’s there.


From: JerseyDee


Good Morning Lore.  Thank you for your very eloquent post.  It was a very peaceful and soothing entry to read.  Your walks sound very relaxing.  Do you walk back& forth to work as well?  Must be a nice trek.

For me my life has changed substationally due this lock down.  I have not been able to socialize except virtually and that is affecting my mental health I believe .. sometimes I feel I am on the verge of cracking.  I just wan to hug a friend : (  .. I miss that sort of human interaction.  

Also,. I just miss the regular routine of the Y and my hair and nails desperately need to get done.  I miss going out to restaurants.  And I also able to walk through and window shop at stores.  

I have no idea when things are truly going to open up but sometimes i really do not know how much more of this I can. It also doesn't help that I am temporarily working full time hours which is far too much on my achy back and legs : (  .. Physically I am going to fall apart and mentally I am exhausted .. had therapy last night over phone and boy did she ever get an earful!  ...

But today is a new day.  Headed out to this morning to get these sutures out of my knee from the biopsy and go over results of that.  I am not worried though, he strongly didn't seem to think it was something to worry about.  But the lump is huge .. it looks like a baseball on the side of knee and it is pressing against my ITB and irrirtating the heck out of it and causing pain down the whole path of it from by hip straight down side of leg to where it attaches by knee.  

I want this mass removed.  I have to talk to other/first Dr about doing that but do not know when I will be able to see him as he only works business hours and I do not know how much longer I am going to be working FT and I do not want to take any more time off for this knee than I already have.  Ugh .. Just more stress : ( 

Well .. thanks for listening.  How much do I owe you for this session? ; )   

PS; How is your cat doing?  You haven't said anything in a few days now. 


From: Loreficent


Oh Dee..

Im so sorry you are struggling with all the physical stuff on top of the isolation you’re feeling! 
I apologize too on not seeming validating on the lockdown. I’ll expound on that a bit later and clarify.

Seems like you had sutures a long time. At least you get results today. So it has grown since the biopsy? Wonder if it developed fluid...let me know. I’m anxious to hear the results. 
Calvin (kitty) is not unlike that Agave. He is tenacious in his hanging on. I think this is some of why I’ve been checking on it 2-3 times a day. I get out and walk a lot at short interval during my days off and then usually one longer walk at night. The Agave has developed a lot of symbolism for me with lots of things. I’ll expound on them too later, but I do think Calvin may be one of them. He is so old (18) and very feeble. He is eating though and is cheerful when awake. Still...like the Agave and all else, it is a matter of time. He is close to done as far as wearing out time and now he just rolls with it and sleeps. Hmmm. Another analogy just popped in my head for later...

Anyway..I’m off to shower and go in to serve the machine. Struggling today to keep a brighter perspective on work a friend so graciously enlightened me with. More on that later too. 
Have a wonderful day and notice all the late Spring is bringing us. Me...I’m going surfing now. Glad you found some peace in my trek last night. I always do but I had some of my favorite songs to help me blasting in my AirPods. I really gotta get better about protecting my hearing! Not right now though...


From: Loreficent


Hey...results good news? PM me if you want Dee. Just thinking about you. Hope all is well. 
Had started this a few minutes ago, but some poof had it gone when I looked at the temperature. Best time of year ever, these few weeks leading up to Summer Solstice. Here it is light until nearly ten pm. I usually go to Seattle every year for Summer Solstice as they have the best Fest for it. Always say I’m gonna go to Stonehenge one year too. Neither of those will happen this year though. Think I’d rather do Stonehenge when it isn’t actually Solstice though. I used to be involved with a Coven that went yearly but that is many moons ago. They said it gets crowded and I think I’d like that experience more peaceful.
Got a couple of hours of work notes to finish from home here before I go check on The Agave (I really should name him). Then I’ll be out for a few hours probably, maybe walk across a bridge or two. Can’t pass this beautiful evening up as it is a lovely one. Perfect breeze and temperature, skies clear. Tomorrow I take my daughter out for her first day on her first job. It’s a place that also holds a piece of my heart and she is only there for 4 hours so I’m gonna pack me a little lunch and some Kombucha and get lost on the trails and waterside for a while. 
One of these days I’m gonna start a trek and gather all these little pieces of my heart that I’ve scattered all around. Not sure what I’d do with them if they were all in one place and it is kind of nice having them scattered about and knowing that they are special places that I can visit and feed my soul for a while too. 
Not sure what I’ll do if that Agave isn’t standing tonight....I’ve told myself I won’t smoke about it as in my heart it will always be there. 

Let me know your results when you get a chance. I’m thinking about you. 


From: Loreficent


Relief. Or is it reprieve?

Hmmm. Can’t seem to rotate on my phone. Gotta get home to bed so won’t bother with iPad. At least no excuse to smoke...

well tried to fix the poor thing again just now this morning and can’t. Sure hope I’m not bringing it a bad breeze...


From: Elizaquits


Hey Lore,

I have to admit, I did not know that about agave plants. After seeing your last picture, I spent a good half an hour reading about it - totally interesting! So, thank you for enlightening me :) I love to learn new things!


From: livtoswim


Hi Loreficent, 

Nice photo.  I miss living in the Portland Area.  So much creativity.  I live in Boise, Idaho now.  It's quite different.   The beauty here is in nature the natural landscapes are amazing.  I lived in the San Francisco Bay Area for 25 years then Beaverton, OR for 2.5 and now Boise, Idaho.  It's a bit of a change politically. I am trying to keep an open mind.  I appreciate the quiet peacefulness and simple beauty.  

So here we are. Battling nicotine in a time isolation WOW aren't we special. Have a nice day in the great city of Portland, OR. 


From: Loreficent


Ahhh...a near perfect night.

I decided to walk with no music for a while now. Sounds like Portland is scheduled for phase 1 reopening  June 12th and I want to embrace as much of the quiet evenings that remain as I can. Nice too as like my daughter said about me “thinking in music” is true. Tonight was not a night for thoughts. It is a night of warmth and breeze and darkness and shadows dancing across the spaces, leaving comfort for my mind that somewhere there is light.

I did startle as I neared the curve by John the Agave. The city must have restored a street light that is nearly hidden by a very large tree and it flicked on just as I entered the corner, filling the pavement with shadows of leaves darting and moving quickly in the breeze. It was one of those instances that for a split second my mind didn’t register what happened and it quickly filled it’s vacant space with the thought of that scene from the movie “Ghost” where the guy who killed Sam met his demise and the little shadow spirits come up from the pavement to whisk his spirit away into eternal darkness. Yeah...thank goodness that thought passed quickly! It was replaced just as quickly with this unexpected beautiful display of light play on the pavement and my thoughts went to days gone by of dance floors and mirror balls and the comfort of a Tequila Sunrise followed by a late night drive home in my old Camaro being guided by a full moon....ahhh...Summer Nights....they will never grow tiresome or old and there will never be enough of them. The thought of sitting down on the curb to have a smoke was so strong I put my hand to front jeans pocket. Yes, it was a moment of void and reminiscing and let down. But it was enough to break the spell I had for likely several minutes been under and to bring me back to walking around the corner. There, in all his glory... as if waiting for me to hand him a Tequila Sunrise, was my friend John. Appearing strong and tall and steady, and I could almost hear him whisper to me on the breeze, calling for me to step out on the dance floor...


From: Loreficent


Knew I had to take either my music tonight, or stop and get smokes to go check. When I got there I was glad I hadn’t chosen to smoke...


From: Loreficent


Morning has broken, like the first word...

Hope for another smoke free day...?
Good job Portland. Good job. Together we are stronger in ALL things...

Here’s hope to no kind of smoke at the end of the day.