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5 months not smoking but my brain is still trying to lure me back in    General Chit-Chat

Started Sep-19 by Danhugs; 5132 views.
Danhugs

From: Danhugs

Sep-26

I understand what you are saying and feeling I think. I spend alot of time outdoors. And do sometimes find it hard to just slow down and enjoy the moment. Maybe sunset, having a wander in countryside. Having a smoke in someway allowed me to calm down and tune into the rhythm somehow.  But as it goes on longer and longer I realized the smoking was just piggybacking on my emotions. I become someone I recognize more and more each day. My brain always searching for easy way out and for quite sometime it will keep suggesting smoking to me. My brain is a marketing genius for smoking, it is trying everything. But now I'm not easily convinced.

TinyBadger

From: TinyBadger

Sep-26

I think it's going to be a while before my brain stops suggesting it. I know my quit muscles will get stronger the longer I go, but holy heck, I want to smoke pretty badly a lot this week but I'm holding strong and will persevere. I think I'm learning about what my new life is like. The one where i am not always smoking or thinking about smoking. The life that is filled with healthy decisions. If I had known it would be this hard to stop, I never would have started smoking.

  • Edited September 26, 2020 5:30 pm  by  TinyBadger
DanJF3

From: DanJF3

Sep-26

Definitely sounds like we are having similar weeks.  This is my favorite time of year too and I wish I didn't associate it with positive memories of smoking.  I seriously stressed about smoking the last 5 years I did it but still couldn't get myself past a couple days or a week a couple times without lighting up.  To say the least it shocks me to say that the past 6 months I have rarely had any desire to smoke and was hoping these feelings were finally gone but I guess it's just one more obstacle to deal with.  Today is somewhat better as I went for a long walk and watched some Youtube videos about addiction and why people return to smoking who have successfully quit.  Education helps!  

The one video did point out that many people who relapse find that first cigarette tastes horrible.  From my past experiences with longer quits I can't say that I personally experienced that but if we can use that thought as a deterrent to keep us smoke free it may be worth remembering.  Hang on and keep posting and hopefully these urges will settle back down where they belong.

Loreficent

From: Loreficent

Sep-27

I give up. I have attempted 2 replies to this with thoughts on Autumn and why quitting and temptation to smoke rears it’s head loud and clear and both have disappeared into the ether. Will take that as a sign that those words are not meant to be freed from my tired brain right now. Perhaps they will resurface after I sign out. In summary, I also feel the destabilization of the change of seasons and think about smoking more. It will get better and things will come back around and we will again feel grounded and stable and able to carry on. Things always get better, particularly when we can step back and allow them to work themselves out some. Anyway...like I said, tired brain, lost posts, clear smoke free air. It’s all very fine. 

Ahh the junkie thinking goes on and on. But, you are the one who is in charge and in control. That nicotine monster tries relentlessly to seduce you back to the addiction. It's the voice of addiction. You can just let that voice fade out and not act on his words. This is drug addiction and our brain needs lots of quit time to rewire itself and move those thoughts and actions of smoking into our faded long term memory area of our brain and get it out of our everyday memory area. It took me till I was 14 months quit to no longer get those tough out of nowhere craves. I felt free and felt so great to have finally put cigarettes in the past where they belong. You can do this just like so many others have. Keep on NOPING!

"Quitting isn't for Sissies!" I quit poisoning myself Sept. 27, 2013

Loreficent

From: Loreficent

Sep-27

Yes...I do believe I can do this. Like so many things in our lives, it does come down to what one believes in, in themselves, in others. There is a lot of power in believing positively, for me anyway. Either that or “fake it till you make it!” I do feel a sense of control with the addict voice at this point. Actually, it is rather empowering in a world where it seems there is so little one can control to make a positive change, it is empowering to hang onto a good thing for ourselves. I wasn’t giving up on my quit. Too many good a cherished things have come out of it already. I was giving up on trying to get those particular thoughts out in that moment. Sometimes my brain just needs to cave in to sleep. I fight that far too much. Thank you for being such a beautiful example and support for us!

Ovivi

From: Ovivi

Sep-27

Congratulations on 7 years, Debbie! That is truly an amazing accomplishment.

Thank you for telling us how you beat the addiction and how you felt physically. Sharing your experiences has helped me so much!

-Wendy 

quit September 6, 2019

Loreficent

From: Loreficent

Sep-28

Autumn has always had an overtone of melancholy for me and it used to be kind of scary deeper down. The shorter days and the fading of the lively light, the cooler crisp air and the breeze whispering “change is imminent “... It is not unlike your sense of letting go of the addiction and watching it drift away. It is better I quit smoking in the late Winter as Spring is hopeful and gives us things to look forward to; new growth and vibrant blooms, lovely fresh smells and softer gentler rains. It feels more hopeful and we look forward to the longer days coming filled with excitement at the things to do. Quitting earlier in the year was a better choice for me and I’m not sure I would be successful to take it on now. Autumn is more associated with a closing and a moving into darkness. It brings a feeling of variables and unpredictability that makes me feel a bit lost deep inside and a bit off balance; the feeling and need to move into a bit of cave and shelter from the coming storms. I think to an extent where we are in our quits it is a bit natural to want to reach for the comfort of smokes again, to take something into the cave we remember and associate with grounding and familiarity. Our buddy. It has taken many seasons of being keenly aware of my inner clock and workings to find a rhythm with the change of seasons and not let my mind be overcome with anxiety of change in the air. This year has also been a particularly challenging one in many ways, and maybe not so oddly, I feel a more welcoming sense inside with the impending seasonal change. A new hope I’ve not ever felt with coming changing of the leaves. Not smoking raises my awareness of the calming things of Autumn and allows me to be more accepting and present with it. Still will find a cave to move into, but perhaps this year not go in as deeply and not be as afraid to go in alone without my buddy.
Yes, quitting earlier in the year has left me a bit more prepared for the raw emotional changes the change of seasons brings and I feel more grounded in their, as you say “unpolluted” reality, and more ready to accept the flow and move with it rather than fight against it. Kind of like how folks can change their hair color all they want but the silver remains just underneath and always finds it’s way to the surface again so why cover it to begin with. I liken it to that...why fight it? Same with the seasons. Let the colors change and not fight it. New growth is still there and what isn’t apparent is under the surface preparing. 

CC to TinyBadger
Danhugs

From: Danhugs

Sep-28

In time where I question what is freedom, freespeech, freewill. I choose not to smoke. Not because i never have. Not because I was told not to. But because I decided not to. 

Loreficent

From: Loreficent

Sep-28

Well Dan, you are not the only one with those other questions on free speech and what is freedom...there are many answers missing on those issues in my mind and around me. Yes, it does feel good to do something not just because we are told to, but simply because we want to. It gives a little peace maybe to have something we feel is only within our own individual power and control when so much else is not. So much else just is not. 

  • Edited September 28, 2020 7:24 pm  by  Loreficent
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