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February 2021 Ex-Smokers - Start Here!   Quit Buddies Unite

Started Jan-31 by Terry (abquitsmking); 33236 views.
Suzy2018

From: Suzy2018

Mar-26

Hi Lore,

If you think of a good diplomatic line to use, please let me know!  I do seem to be a bit more blunt since I quit smoking, for some reason relaxed.  Mike was helping cook dinner tonight, and instead of saying 'thank you, darling, for cutting those vegetables so beautifully', what I actually said was "NO!!!  Not like that!!"  

I'm glad your daughter is doing better these days, and it sounds as if DBT helped?    It is really hard not to be able to fix things, but I do know that it's pointless worrying about things you can't change. Doesn't stop me trying, but I'm working on it.

Thanks for the praise - I am very happy to believe that I'm doing a fantastic and wonderful job not smoking, but I do feel like a bit of a fraud there - I am having some cravings, really strong ones sometimes too, but the weird (and wonderful) thing is that I don't actually want to smoke. Well, sometimes I want to smoke, but I don't want to be a smoker.  I don't really understand why - I think it might be this forum - but whatever it is I'm not complaining. And it IS making me feel a bit more resilient, like I might be strong enough to cope with whatever happens.

Wow, you were dressed for two whole hours?  I would take my hat off to you if I'd been wearing one, but I spent the entire day yesterday in a dressing gown.

Thanks Lore, and hope you have a wonderful Friday too.

Jatchat

From: Jatchat

Mar-26

No crocodiles here Katy, too cold for them, but we do get the odd shark in the river so the story goes, I have never seen one.

Thanks Katy for the vote of confidence, Yes that's all it takes NOPE.

The Op is next Thursday, Monday I have to go in  to the surgery for a skin check, I have no cuts or abrasions, so should be right there, I am hoping all goes well, I am not particularly worried, I am in the hands of a good surgeon in the best hospital. 

I have just been to a friends place who checked out my car, it is misfiring, so he seems to think it's an injector that's the problem, So have to take the car in after Easter to get it checked it out by my mechanic, More $.

It's the weekend here very quiet, I am learning how to play Apache on the guitar by The Shadows, My teacher likes The Shadows...

Anyway I am rambling on,

Take care Katy

Anthony

Suzy2018

From: Suzy2018

Mar-26

Hi Katie,

I did worry about it - that big bad Protestant work ethic - but I really loved it too.  I read books, fiddled on my phone, drank lukewarm tea and snoozed.  I haven't done that for years, and it really was exactly what I needed.  If I'd still been a smoker I definitely would have got up to have one, and I don't think it would even have occurred to me to have a rest day:  another sign that smoking stops us doing what's good for us?  I hope I don't feel like that too often (got bills to pay and all) but I really did slob out like a good'un.   It wasn't quite perfect slobberdom - for that I would obviously have needed crisps and ice cream - but it wasn't far off, and thank you for being so understanding!!   I do now have memory foam pillow envy though...

Thanks too for the kind words about my son.  I don't know where 'there' might be either, but i am definitely cheering him on.  He had another better day today, and I'm starting to think that there are some parallels with the quit-journey:  celebrate the good days, and try not to be too derailed by the times when it's just a slog and a struggle.

Can you recommend particular gentle radio comedy?   I really like comedy, but one thing I've also noticed since quitting is that I feel slightly stressed by anything loud or fast.   Mike loves electronic dance music - we are both old ravers, really - but he's being really sweet and listening to it on headphones at the moment.  Although that might be because he's frightened of the new, straight-talking, take-no-prisoners harridan that I seem to have become worried.  I  do remember irritability and impatience from previous quits, but I don't like it and hope I feel less like a loose cannon soon.

It might also be because I ran out of lozenges and decided not to buy any more.   I still have some gum, but I don't like it as much and my nicotine intake has probably halved over the last couple of days. I think it's a good thing, and I know this might sound really contradictory but I feel calmer at the same time as more irritable.  I think I have a day's worth of gum left, and then I will put patches on and see how I go. 

I didn't get much done today, apart from writing the name of our boat onto the horseshoe buoy.   It looks good, and I'm feeling all right too.  So, not a bad day.

I hope you're all right, Katie.  I'm with Lore in that it's so lovely to hear about you and your daughter, that all the things you worry about are normal worries, and the fact that you're even thinking about them shows what a lovely mum you are!  I too fall into the trap of thinking that everyone else has things sussed, but it really is an illusion (just look at the governments around the world - these people are in charge?  Really?)  We're all just stumbling through as best we can, and if we can do that kindly, I think we're doing pretty well. 

Talk soon I hope, and thank you again for being there.  

Suzy x

Suzy2018

From: Suzy2018

Mar-26

Hi Anthony,

It looks like you're up early, and I'm up late.  It's odd to think that we are on opposite sides of the world, and yet connected by this forum and by our efforts to break free of this addiction.  Good morning to you, and I hope you have a lovely smoke-free day, with no sharks or crocodiles anywhere! 

I'm off to bed now, but I just wanted to add to the vote of confidence.   You're doing this, Anthony, and it's wonderful.   And there's nothing wrong with The Shadows!  I'm also learning guitar - another connection - but I think Apache is way beyond me at the moment; I can only play three chords.

Loreficent

From: Loreficent

Mar-26

Thank you Katie!

Being a non smoker is wonderful! You are so kind and supportive of folks here, and such an inspiration. I had a small cream carton on my deck I would put butts in. It was awful. It was one of the cardboard types that coffee cream comes in and when it was full I’d throw it away. Always saved the next one once I used up the cream so I could use it for butts. Ugh!! I never wanted an ashtray proper as I was constantly telling myself I’d “quit soon” anyway. Of course, this went on for years. Be so happy for yourself that you stopped before your daughter came along. It is so nice she will not associate that smell with you! So many memories and fondness are associated with smell. 
 

Yes, it is quite easy to view other parents who appear to be doing it all perfectly and be critical of ourselves and find fault and things to worry about. That’s normal too! But with all things with people and relationships, we never know what goes on behind closed doors. No parent is perfect. That is so much the beauty of it really! Learning and growing as they learn and grow. I am absolutely certain you are doing just fine.
Do you have family close? Like Grandparents and Aunts and Uncles and Cousins? That can be such a blessing, and such a stress too. I do recall you mentioned a sister. My daughter grew up so far from my family. They are all in the Midwest a couple thousand miles away, so she only saw them yearly. I didn’t really have anyone to help me with her except for a friend who never had children. Once she started school there was more support there with other parents. 
I love you spend time in nature with her too and it sounds as though she likes animals. She is 3? Oh, and yes!! I don’t recall what you called it, but it sounds like what we call Pre-School here...absolutely! Do not feel guilty one ounce for that. It is very good for both of you! This is not the same world our folks grew up in where they stayed in small circles of people most of their lives. It is so important for her to socialize and spread her wings and share her joys with others. I say this, and of course I had the same guilt. But...it is ok. 
 

Have a wonderful weekend! Thank you again for being here for all of us!blush

Lore

Loreficent

From: Loreficent

Mar-27

Hi Suzy,

Well it sounds as if we had similar days yesterday. It was perfect! 
I think we have a bit of time to work on that diplomatic way to pardon ourselves. Things aren’t quite that open here yet as far as gatherings. I was also quite the closet smoker. Not that folks didn’t know, as I’m sure they did more than I cared to admit. Is your husband a smoker, or was he ever? I’m sure he is giving some grace to you and understands the quick comment. My guess is he is delighted to have you not smoking!

So, I see no need for you to feel a bit fraudulent because you have smoking thoughts or cravings! Those are normal and expected for some time yet. They are only thoughts. Acknowledge them and carry on. They will, as you know, fade and become less frequent. Just pat yourself on the back, wave hello to the thoughts, and carry on. I think there is some truth to the more we deny having them, or tell ourselves we ought not to have them, the more they will persist. You certainly should not have any guilt about it. Smile to yourself, say, oh yes, I thought about it, and then think about how you are so happy to be in control and not having to have a knee jerk reaction to the thoughts! 
 

Have a lovely weekend and only get dressed if you must! Oh...you mentioned Netflix...a friend told me about a show called Dr Foster. I binged on it and it was quite good if you’ve not seen it!

Talk soon!blush

Jatchat

From: Jatchat

Mar-27

Hi Suzy,

Yes it's been a smoke free day. Yippee. There's nothing wrong with three chords, my teacher says that 90% of songs can be played with just three chords.

Did a 5000 step walk this afternoon, there was a wedding party up at Hanging Rock a favourite place for photographers, I thought of taking a photo, but I didn't.

I'll try and dig out a photo

Suzy2018

From: Suzy2018

Mar-27

Hi Lore,

Everyone needs a dressing gown day sometimes, I'm sure - and how sweet to think of us both doing it on the same day, on (nearly) the other side of the world.

Mike is an ex-smoker and serial quitter.  He quit again a couple of months ago, and he's very determined this time not to succumb to the 'just one' rubbish.  He lost a 7 year quit once with 'just one' which led straight back to 20 a day.  He likens it to reloading software.  And yes, he is extraordinarily kind and patient, and although he didn't try to pressure me into quitting, I know he's really happy about it.

I don't think I have been very clear about why I felt a bit fraudulent - it wasn't because of the NRT, it was because I was finding this quit so easy that I didn't think I deserved praise!  Well, pride comes before a fall and I have had the sort of day today that the only way I can describe it (on here anyway) is Bf*%-$*X and it still doesn't get anywhere close to the rage I was feeling because I don't get to smoke.  Truly awful, and I have had to go and buy more lozenges because I just didn't trust myself.  But thanks for your kind thoughts all the same, and I am much better this evening, thank goodness.  I must guard against complacency, and remind myself all the time that I am in control, and I don't have to act on a craving. Phew!

Thanks Lore, and hope you're having a great day.   Whereabouts are you?  I have a vague memory of Oregon, but I could be wrong.   I went to Seattle in 1988 and loved it (is that close?)

very happy for me

Suzy2018

From: Suzy2018

Mar-27

Oh Anthony, they are so beautiful!  They make me feel peaceful just looking at them, and thank you.  When I look back on this (successful for both of us!!!) quit, I will think of your photos.  They really do help.

5000 steps isn't bad at all, especially for someone who's waiting for an op!  You really are putting everything in place for a good recovery, and that is wonderful. 

Glad you had another smoke-free day, and yippee all round. Let's keep plodding on - we're doing well. And thanks for the kind words about my limited ability on the guitar - you're right, you can play a lot with three chords (Status Quo made a whole career out of it), but it still depends on whether you get the chords right.  Some of mine are still a bit, well, discordant.  But I'm keeping going, with that and the quit.

Take care, Anthony, and thank you again for the photos.  I bet they're helping loads of other people too.

KatieKat84

From: KatieKat84

Mar-27

Hi Suzy,

How has your day been? I’m glad to hear things have been a bit better with your son - and yes I think you’re right that, as with quitting smoking, staying in the moment is the best way. That’s another thing I like about cold water swimming - while you’re in it’s so freezing you can’t think about anything else! 
 

It’s really understandable to be irritable and shall we say forthright in the early weeks / months of your quit, especially when you step down the nrt. Anyone in nicotine withdrawal feels and acts that way. Just see it as showing how much of a hold the smoking has had on you up til now - it’s only when we remove the cigarettes we really are faced with the reality of our little ‘habit’. Soon you will be free from all that and a much calmer, saner you will emerge.

And great you’re feeling ready to come off the lozenges and hopefully the gum soon too. I totally know what you mean about feeling irritable and calmer too - it sounds like old Nic stamping his foot and the real you being happy breaking free! 
I liked the patches because you can just put it on at the start of the day and forget about it. And when you step the dose down you’re still just sticking on one patch, so psychologically doesn’t feel like cutting down anything. 
Sounds like you’re champing at the bit to be completely off the nicotine. I really think you’re going to love it Suzy!

Oh as for radio recommendations - I’ve really enjoyed Between Ourselves with Marion Keyes - a lovely Irish writer chatting to the presenter and reading some excerpts, really funny - I think you’d like it. I also love Elvenquest - a fantasy spoof with Alastair McGowan playing a truly inspired slightly camp baddie. Oh and Ed Reardon’s week always makes me chuckle - could be a good one if you’re feeling grumpy and want company ;)

Your boat pottering sound like such a nice project to be getting on with. Speaking of horseshoe buoys, do seahorses have horseshoes?

You’re so right that everyone is just muddling through - must remember that! I think with lockdown and not seeing people much I tend to imagine everyone is doing way better than me. Just a daft brain tendency.

ok this message is v long so I’ll say bye for now!

Speak soon Suzy,

Katie

Quit 4th March 2017

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