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February 2021 Ex-Smokers - Start Here!   Quit Buddies Unite

Started 1/31/21 by Terry (abquitsmking); 35426 views.
Suzy2018

From: Suzy2018

Apr-23

Hi Katie,

Thanks for caring!  I am feeling good in my quit again today.  I don't, honestly, know quite what happened - I really thought I was fine, but I obviously wasn't.  I am trying to figure it out so it doesn't happen again, but the thing I'm most pissed off with is that I didn't come on here and ask for help. I just didn't think I needed to.  I will try to learn from that, and hope I already have.

Things are very difficult with my son, and it's making me cry just writing that. I have a photo of him as a child where he's clapping his hands with joy and the light has turned his fuzzy blond hair into a halo.  When he's well, he really is the nicest person you could hope to meet - I know I'm biased, but it really is true. But things have been really awful the last few weeks.

He has started a new therapy (EMDR) where according to him the therapist is telling him that all his memories must be true.  We (his family and his psychiatrist) know that some of his beliefs are delusional, but because his therapist has been so adamant that there is no such thing as a fabricated memory, his trust in us and in the psychiatrist has been really damaged, to the point where he is reluctant to keep taking the medication that the psychiatrist has prescribed.  We have been trying to help him for more than ten years, so to have all this undermined in six weeks feels really, really hard - and also seems really negligent.  I really don't know what to do about that - I want to write a ranting letter of complaint, I want to shout and scream.   But I also think that that's not fair - everyone involved is doing their best, I know that.  I think I just feel pretty helpless, actually

But hey, I don't smoke - I won!  And to all of you who didn't smoke today, YOU won too.

It's so lovely to hear about you and your daughter.  You and she help me feel hopeful about the world, and about what good people can do to make it better.

Loreficent

From: Loreficent

Apr-23

Hi Suzy,

Ive been off a couple of days, out to our incredible Coast, and missed this. I’m so sorry it was a rough time and about the smoking. I know that feeling; the disappointment in yourself, the anger, all of it. I don’t think I can add anything more to what Katie and others have said as far as encouragement, other than you’ve got my support too. 
This Forum is the best because it does give us a sense of accountability really, and it takes courage to come on and profess our faltering. Feeling sorry to us, though I understand, isn’t necessary. I believe in you and know you can do this. The day will come when this moment will be a distant memory and you will see how far you’ve come. In the meantime, try to be gentle with yourself and be the encouraging, supportive, kind person to yourself that you are to others. We are in this together. blush

Suzy2018

From: Suzy2018

Apr-24

Thank you, Lore.   It's hard not to beat myself up, but I'm trying to focus on the positives - I've learned something (I hope!) and I'm very glad not to be smoking now.  One day at a time.

It's a beautiful day here, and we're about to set off to meet our friends at a campsite - really looking forward to seeing them and breathing lots of fresh, smoke-free air.

But the best thing of all is that my son's new meds really might be working!  I'm hardly daring to hope, but this morning we've had two nice, calm, reasonable conversations - there were even a couple of jokes in there, and it was just lovely.  I'd forgotten what it was like to relax with him.  

I hope you're having a lovely day in Oregon, doing whatever makes you happy.  Thank you for being so kind.   It means a lot to me.

Suzy x

  • Edited April 24, 2021 7:58 am  by  Suzy2018
Loreficent

From: Loreficent

Apr-24

Hi Suzy,

Often we are our own worst critics, and it is so unnecessary. The World is tough enough right now. Being harder on yourself probably won’t help. Yes, focus on the positives and use that energy to turn things around and believe in yourself. You’ve come through a lot and done very well! Many of us would have caved weeks ago. Even so, you got right back on the horse with determination! Yes! 
 

Im really happy to hear things were a bit more stable with your son. There may be ups and downs yet, but those ups are like little seeds and they will grow and it will help him too to have those days. 
 

How lovely you are camping! It will do you good to be with nature and non smoking friends, so relax, enjoy, and embrace the moments.  We had a gorgeous warm week here, and now I’m working for the weekend. Maybe not always my favorite thing to do here, but mostly it does make me happy to be useful.

Take care and enjoy your weekend! Will be sending loads of good energy your way. 

Jatchat

From: Jatchat

Apr-25

Hi Suzy, I'm sorry I can't be your twin quit day companion because I failed my quit again, But I have not given up so  to speak, Today is Sunday the 25th and I am making this my new quit day. Looks like you'll be leading the way again but never fear I will be behind you encouraging you to persevere, as only the strong survive and we are made of stern stuff.

I have just been for a walk beside our lovely river, 5000 steps, and I have done it today without any painkillers Hip Hip Hooray! Not many about, a lovely Autumn day.

Yesterday I went to a garage sale and bought a guitar case, 6 Cushions and a jar of honey, from my quit smoking counsellor, came back watched a movie with sub-titles, a foreign film and then went out to lunch with my darling wife, then for afternoon entertainment I watched our local Rugby  team beat the pants off the opposition. All in all a fun day.

I go to see the physio next Tuesday which will probably be my last visit, so successfully is my hip healing and then Wednesday line up for my Astra Zeneca jab

Take care Suzy sorry I cant make that day a twin success story, but I remain committed to defeating these craves even if I am late

Kind regards

Anthony

KatieKat84

From: KatieKat84

Apr-25

Hi Suzy,

How are you? I’ve been thinking of you and everything you’ve been going through with your son. It sounds like there have been some pretty major upheavals. It must be so hard to have the new therapist come in and basically dictate a whole new reality that you all have to adjust to overnight. And scary not knowing how your son will fare on the new regime.

But! I just saw you wrote to Lore that things are looking up :) so happy to hear and hope this will be the start of better times, though no doubt with some ups and downs too. In any case it sounds like something has shifted which is so positive.

I can imagine it must feel heartbreaking to look at that lovely photo of your son when things are really difficult. I suppose all you can do is hang onto the knowledge that he is still that person. It’s just difficult circumstances, emotions, brain chemistry acting on that same dear person that can send things so awry.

I had a bit of a shift myself yesterday as my dad came to see me to talk about some of the mental health problems I had growing up. I’ve had a difficult relationship with him and we’ve been quite distant the last few years. But he reached out to ask to talk - I admit I was pretty flabbergasted! He really listened, it was quite amazing. I’m not sure he could really understand what I was saying but just being able to be myself and speak my ‘truth’ (if that’s not too pompous) felt very healing. I don’t think we’ll ever be super close but I hope we can build a more honest and open relationship.

So: yay!

Glad you are back in the quit groove. How is it feeling being a non-smoker this weekend? Hope you are enjoying this lovely spring weather.

Take care Suzy and speak soon,

Katie x

Quit 4th March 2017

Suzy2018

From: Suzy2018

Apr-27

Hi Lore,

I had a wonderful weekend, thank you - we were just parked up in our vans in the corner of a farmer's field (couldn't sit outside for long as it was so cold and windy), but the view was gorgeous - you could see for miles across a valley and the sun was shining - and it was wonderful to see our friends too. 

Son is still good, which is the best thing of all.  

Hope you had a good weekend too, even though you were working, and talk soon.

Suzy

Suzy2018

From: Suzy2018

Apr-27

Don't worry Anthony - the important thing is that you've quit again.  It sounds as if you had a great day in other ways too - walking in the fresh air in a beautiful place, no painkillers (It's great news that your hip is healing so well!), a bit of shopping, a nice lunch, and then the rugby!  Some days are just good days, aren't they - it's so nice when that happens!

Keep up the good fight, Anthony.  

Suzy

Suzy2018

From: Suzy2018

Apr-27

Hi Katie,

Thanks for your reply, and yes, things ARE looking up!   I meant to put an edit in my message to you, but ran out of time before I had to leave for our camping trip - I'm glad you saw my post to Lore, because the one to you was quite depressing...   Sorry x

The best thing is that my son is taking his meds and seeming to improve.  I honestly think the therapy was making him worse, so I've refused to pay for any more of it.  I'm happy to fund other therapy, at least until he can get some via the NHS, but I'm not going to keep shelling out £80 an hour to a therapist who's basically telling him that his psychiatrist and his family must all be lying to him!   Anyway, I'm very cautiously optimistic, but you're right, I'm sure there will be ups and downs.  At least, though, something is shifting, as you say - and at least I've had a glimpse of that happy little boy, who I've sometimes thought was gone forever.  I will try to keep hanging on to the idea that he is there somewhere, even when things are bad - thank you so much for that.  It helps a lot.

And what a shift for you too!  I'm so glad your dad listened, even if he couldn't understand it all.  And you don't sound pompous!  You never sound pompous, you just sound like a lovely, thoughtful, kind person.   It's really great news, and even if you're never super-close, it will still feel so much better.  Well done him - and you.

I'm feeling pretty calm and relaxed today - my weekend away did me a world of good - and very clear that I don't want to be a smoker (and that there's no such thing as 'just one').   Tomorrow we will sleep on the boat, ready for going down through the lock onto the river proper at 8am on Thursday.

I hope you've had a good day too, and talk soon.

Suzy x

KatieKat84

From: KatieKat84

May-1

Hi Suzy,

How are you? Hope all went well with moving your boat.

So pleased to hear things have been looking up with your son. How is he at the moment? Sorry it didn’t work out with the EMDR but it does sound like it was very destabilising. Must be so hard for you to make these decisions but I hope you can trust your judgment and get support from the psychiatrist too.

How has your week been and how are you feeling in your quit?

Work has been very busy for me but interesting. I’m glued to the tv watching the snooker this weekend!

Hope all is well with you,

Katie x 

Quit 4th March 2017 
 

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