Thanks Jenny! I agree with everything you said. The priority for me is to not smoke. Last weekend I smoked one on Saturday and one on Sunday. This week I have not smoked. My lozenge intake has went from 12 a day to 6 day back to 12 a day back to once again, 6 a day. Anne gave me some great words and thoughts for me to carry around as I decide what I want to do about this addiction. She said I get to define... Me. I can choose what I want instead of thinking about what I need. Made me realize that I do have to want it and that I can define it. I have power. I have control. I can regain my courage and my spirit! What great words. Now I will carry on while meditating on those thoughts. It is not just prayer that will help out, but my own will to be déterminéd and have courage. Will keep you all posted. No solid promises yet, but doing better than last week, oh and HAPPY belated BIRTHDAY Jenny!!! Hope you had a wonderful day doll face.

Really struggling the last few days. Had some rough stuff come up at home and I’m waking up crying, going to bed crying and hiding in my room crying throughout the day. It’s left me with some thoughts of hiding in cigarettes. Would it let me drown some pain? Give me something to do other than cry? Each day that’s going by I feel the pull more, so figured I’d just come here and put it out there.
I know the answer is that the sadness will pass without smoking and I won’t be left with the horror of being addicted all over again. There really isn’t anything smoking would do for me that I couldn’t do some other way. 

Jenny 

Hi Jenny,

I am sorry you have rough stuff going on at home.  I understand the emotional draw to smoke , but yes it wont change anything and you will have lost your almost 6 month quit .  That emotional draw to smoke is the addiction trying to fool you.

Do something else instead.  Deep breathe it out.  The more you entertain the idea of smoking the harder it is to get past it.  You don't smoke anymore.  

You got this .  Hugs.

                                                  Lisa 

Jenny, I am sorry you are going through such a trying time. I know how you feel. When I quit the lozenges last year for 2 months,  I was very sad and felt empty. I too cried. It is not easy. I wish there was something I could do to make it better. You have come so far in your quit, and I think crying it out is okay. We are all human. And smoking is an addiction that will fool us into thinking we need it, when really it does nothing for us. Have you tried journalling? That helps me a lot. I am praying for you girl. Also, you are stronger than this addiction. I know you will get over this hump. You are doing amazing with your quit, and I believe in you so much. You have definitely got this Jenny. God bless.

Thank you, Lisa. The addiction certainly does like to speak to me when I’m vulnerable. 
I need to find some other way to distract myself for a while. I know it will get better with time. Just going to be rough for a bit. I’m hanging on. 
Thank you so much for checking in

Jenny

Jerthie,

thank you for your kind words I think I may try some journaling of some kind tomorrow. I called and spoke with a friend who’s a counselor tonight and she helped me with some of the stuff that’s going on. Said I’m going through a grieving process and it will take time. Smoking certainly won’t help, for sure.

Thank you for being here!

Jenny

Good for you Jenny. A smoke free life looks amazing on you. The fact that you did not give in during such a difficult time speaks volumes. It says you are a winner, a conquerer, well able and blessed. Once you are over this hump, you will have so much joy and confidence. Praying for you to keep on keeping on. Once again Jenny, you have got this!

I hope you are feeling better Jenny. We all know the answer, it just is tough sometimes to stick to it. Journal, reread some posts here, or do anything to distract you. 

Paul

Huge Vent below, sorry.

UH OH .  ANGER.   Between the Pharmacy , the Insurance Company , and my Drs Office I am about ready to lose my s#it on someone.  They all need to do their jobs properly and communicate with each other  and stop putting me in the middle.  I do not work for them , nor am I a Dr , a Pharmacist, or an Insurance Company.   After 3 days of dealing with this , the conversation I just had with the Pharmacist has put me over the edge.  

I allowed Anger to mess me up so much that I lost past quits.  I will not allow  that to happen again.  I dont do well with anger .  I do not smoke anymore. NOPE !  I am off to get the anger levels down .  

Hey Jenny,

As Paul said, we know the answer to that question. It’s interesting how the mind looks through every nook and cranny to rationalize feeding the addict. We all also know that staying quit is a balancing act. Willpower alone doesn’t cut it. None of us has enough willpower to wrestle with the depth of every emotion 100% of the time. So go deeper with something else right now. I’m not sure what that could be for you, so this likely isn’t very helpful in that regard, but, dig deep. You’ve come too far to fall back on irrational rationalizations. Tell us about your accomplishments with this so far. Get on here and write them out. When I was where you are I’d get on here and natter on about just anything. Sometimes I actually felt the nattering was just like the smoke I’d have with my morning coffee. I think I actually said that once…? Probably said it a lot actually. Do you still have the link for the WhyQuit website? That is a fantastic educational tool and I recall it having so,e good advice on dealing with difficult emotional situations. Acknowledge the craves as they are completely normal. Nobody ever died from a nicotine crave. Nobody dies from heroin craves either matter of fact. And I certainly hope folks don’t die from wandering minds and Googling things! 

Anyway…saw you were in a bit of tough space and wanted to lend a hand. You’ve been in tougher spaces. You got this. Not sure where you are going in Europe, but…stay strong wherever. Smoking is way more prevalent than it is on the West Coast US. That’s probably not helpful….  
 

Here is the link: https://whyquit.com/john/stop-smoking-cravings-tips-embracing-crave-episodes.pdf

Back with another edit . I was looking for a quote that says something about when willpower and emotions collide and came on this article that was kind of interesting. It’s probably worth a good 5 and half minutes of distraction, lol…

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/automatic-you/201611/the-way-you-think-about-willpower-is-hurting-you